Changes gonna come

Oh what a crazy few weeks it has been!  I have felt like I am spinning out of control most days.  I think things have finally decided to settle down a bit, which really makes me smile! 

Bill got some news on his lump.  The radiologist said it was a fatty cyst.  After careful consideration we have decided to do the watchful waiting game.  Bill really doesn't want to be cut open right now, who could blame him, and the Dr thinks we are just fine leaving it alone.  If it should happen to change we will have it taken out then. Thank the LORD for that bit of great news. 

Gramps got put in the nursing home.  24 hour care for him at home was getting a bit difficult with not enough hands to go around. Everyone seems to want to put in their two cents about what should be done with him, but not enough people would help pitch in to actually keep him at home.  It was really starting to wear on grandma, so I am now happy with this decision.  He really seems content more there now, than he was at home.  You would think for a man with 7 kids and their spouses, 13 grandkids and their spouses, we wouldn't have had such a hard time finding people to volunteer to come sit with him?  It kinda makes me sad. I guess you really do see peoples true colors when things get tough.  He enjoys company, and sometimes he's a tad ornery.  He's so out of it at times he would just die if he knew some of the things that come out of his mouth.  He's not this way, but it's the dementia setting in and it's only gotten worse and will only continue to get worse.  He has started to throw things across the room when he's angry, not at anyone, just toss things away from him.  He also cusses more now than I've ever heard him.  Grandma looks like the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders, and this makes me smile.  She was really looking pretty wore out there at the end of him staying at home.  

Brody has been a pistol for 3 weeks now.  He's had fever, cranky, whiny, miserable and making all of us around him miserable at times too.  We first thought he was teething, but then Thursday night he was uncontrollable so I took him to the ER.  He vomited on me the second we walked in the doors, and the Dr checked him out and said he thought he had strep.  So he gave us a ZPac and sent us home.  We gave him the medicine daily and then Sunday he was covered in hives, by Yesterday (monday) morning it was a full blown rash with hives on top.  Poor kid was miserable.  He also woke up with a new tooth!!!!  FINALLY!  When it rains it pours around here!  Took him to Dr to make sure it wasn't a drug allergy, and we are now waiting on them to get ahold of us when the labs get in wether it's scarlet fever, Mono, or a viral rash with hives?  Poor kids just miserable.  He was up a lot in the night and went back to bed at 7:30a.m. and slept till NOON today!  Geesh!  He is so tired from not napping or sleeping well for three weeks now.  He was playing catch up today.

Tonight is Boy Scouts for Cole.  He's all excited for that!  Life as we know it is crazy busy, and things are tough some days, but we wouldnt' have it any other way.   Bill's been working in the fields as much as they can get in them.  Some days are too wet.  Some days they have more important things to get done.  He's just been super busy all the time.  It's okay, because that means we are making money!  We did all spend Sunday evening together and we had a nice time.  I love my boys!  Hopefully things will slow down a bit soon, but I am sure Christmas will be here before we know it.  Ugh.  I am NOT ready for all this business of the holidays!

Decisions...

Over the next few days some tough decisions will have to be made.  Grandpa is getting out of hand.  He is becoming mean and violent.  He almost socked grandma one good today.  She's upset by this, he doesn't even remember it happening.  He gets so angry and in a rage about things.  Some things set him off, then he just flies off the handle.  Grandma is scared to stay alone with him.  The Sisters have issues staying every night of the week, Grandma isn't sure insurance will cover nursing home, so we don't know what the options are yet until we make some phone calls over the next few days.  It's so sad to think he will be put in a home.  He doesn't know where he is anyhow, but at least we can all pop in there all the time.  When he goes to a home it's so final.  He would be so ashamed of the man he's become today.  He would be so embarrassed.  My heart breaks for grandma.  She is losing someone she's spent her whole life with.  She's always had him around.  I am not sure how she's going to handle making it on her own.  She's not the "alone" type.  I don't think she will be able to stand it.  Not having someone to take care of will put her in an early grave I'm afraid. 

Brody has been a bear.  He's running a low grade temp daily.  I'm pretty sure he's teething because he keeps hitting himself in the mouth and gnawing on his own arm all the time.  He chews on everything, but hasn't been eating well.  He drinks a lot of milk, but not eating regular meals like normal.  He's mean spirited and throwing fits all the time.  It's so frustrating because all I can do it tyelnol and motrin.  Hopefully some teeth appear soon.

Still no word on Bill's lump.  Jeff was out of the office on Friday so I hope we will hear something tomorrow.  I am nervous.  I can't imagine what Bill is feeling.  He's brushing it off, but I can tell he's thinking.  about it at times. 

I came home today and got my kitchen cleaned.  It feels good to get it together.  I am so tired.  I could sleep for weeks, I swear.  Well I have to get the burgers cooked for supper and baths for school tomorrow.  It is Sunday night and tomorrow morning will be here all too soon.

When it rains it seems to POUR!

Where do I begin?  Ahhh..  it's been such a crazy time so far.  Saturday I took Cole to the Jaycee park to play and get his softball medalion.  During our tournament and end of season they only bought medalions for first through third place and our coach decided that she thought kids their age deserved a reward for a season well done, so she bought them and handed them out to the kids along with a pizza party.  Cole had fun playing with Payton and Jenna. 

Cole with his medalion!

Brody had fun watching the kids and playing in the grass!

Sunday I took Cole to church, and headed in to town to sit with Grandma and Grandpa Trone.  Grandpa was so confused that day.  He was so irate at times.  He finally got happy when I loaded him up in the car and took him for a cruise.  He keeps saying he wants to go home.  We are not sure where "home" is to him? He got soooo mad at us for telling him that he was home.  He was super ticked off.  He's also been reverting back to different stages of his life.  He woke up at 2 a.m. wanting to go outside and "play" the other night.  One evening he told grandma if she wouldn't take him HOME he would go there himself.  So he threw his oxygen off and took off out the front door.  By the time grandma and mom got to him he was half way around the house headed towards the car.  So once again mom loaded him up and they drove around town.  He seems to calm down just getting out and driving around.  By the time you spend time in the car he's happy to go back to the house and he will usually be so tired and wore out he will settle down and sleep.  Sometimes to just wake up and want to go "home" again, but sometimes he's happy being where he is.  One day he thought he was in jail.  He thought we were playing football outside.  He thought we were playing softball outside.  Grandma got her hair cut last week and permed and since then he flips back and forth calling her Mom or Dean.  Dean is grandpa's older brother who lives in warsaw.  He talks to grandma like she's Dean.  It really makes me sad for grandma.  I feel like it breaks her heart when he thinks she's someone else.  It just breaks my heart.

Today he was a tad bit on the ornery side.  When I walked in the back door today he was sitting on the edge of the bed eating a chocolate chip cookie. (he thinks I made them homeade, but they are really soft cookies from Aldis that grandma bought! )  he gave me brownie points for baking though, so I will take it!  ha ha ha!  Anyways he was eating this cookie and he had a napkin around it.  I looked over and he was eating it napkin and all.  He reverts back to childish behavior a lot lately.  Carla told him not to eat the paper and he says "well I am going to eat all that you give me so if it's paper I am eating it too" and so she took the paper away from him!  He had chocolate all over his face, and was making faces at me.  Sticking out his tongue at the kids and lauging like crazy.

Cookie in hand here he is in all his glory today!

It cracked me up how he was acting.  By afternoon it was a different story.  After lunch he turned into a monster again and was HORRIBLE.  He was cussing grandma and getting mean, so mom gave him a pain pill and he wanted to go HOME so she took him for a car ride.  They were gone about 20 minutes and then he came back in a bit of a better mood because the pill had kicked in and it made him ready for a nap.

I had to take Bill to the Dr. today.  He has had a lump in his leg for quite awhile now.  He told me about it about 6 months ago.  We have kept a very close eye on it.  It hasn't really grown much, but I am worried about it every time I feel it I want him to get it looked at.  It took a lot of begging and I even had to turn on the waterworks, but he went today.  The Dr. ordered an ultrasound.  What we do know so far is that it is NOT a fluid filled cyst.  It consists of the same mateiral of the muscles around it.  It's 1cm. by 1cm. in demention.  We do also know that there is blood flow to the lump.  There is an artery running through it.  It's fairly close to the surface, right under the skin.  Tomorrow the radiologist will read it and the Dr. will call us to tell us the next step.  He kinda clued us in today, and unless the radiologist can identify what the tissue is, then MRI will be next step and then possibly removal.  Ugh.  Can you say stressed?  I am tyring to hold it all together here, but feel like screaming at the top of my lungs.  I think I need a break.  A break from  stress! 

On top of everything else that is going on, Brody has been such a pistol.  He's so moody, and throwing temper tantrums.  I mean this kid is ONE and has been screaming mad.  He's stomping his feet, blowing up at little things.  I am guessing he's teething, because this is just not him.  If he is teething, then he better be cutting a mouth full with this moodiness!  Geesh!  What a stinker! 

Now Cole... well here's another stressor in my life!  He has had bloody stools since last Thursday.  I got him in to the Dr. and hes had to take Milk of Magnesia for a few days to see if it cleaned him out.  We are tying to determine if he has an internal tear, or a ulcer.  Next step for him is an upper GI if we can't get the bloody stools to stop.  The MOM cleaned him out for now, and his poop did clear up, but now we have to monitor him for black stools again.  It's going to be a process of elimination.  Poor kid has lived on the pot for a few days.  He finally went back to school today. 

For tonight I have some veggie soup on the stove.  I am gearing up to cuddle with Cole and watch the finale of Big Brother and go to bed.  I want a good nights sleep and I guess we will see what tomorrow brings.  It's got to get better!  I am running out of steam!



Making Memories

Clean, spotless house.  Going out and partying whenever I feel like it.  Spending hours wandering through stores at my leasure.  Taking off in my car whenever I feel like it and going for how long I feel like going.  Farming all day long with Bill.  Going Pee without company.  Endless relaxing showers and baths.  Clean vehicle.  Eating meals whenever I feel like it.  Mowing my own yard.  Seldom going to the Dr.  because I am never sick.  Carefree life...  this was 7 years ago.  BC.  (Before Cole!)

Cole came into our lives 7 years ago today.  Before Cole life was simple, and we thought we had a good life.  Oh what little you really know, until you hold your own child in your arms. It amazes me how complete my life felt the day he was placed in my arms.  I can't believe it's been 7 years ago today.  Now my life consists of  kicking a path to get from one room to the other because there are constant toys scattered through the house.  Planning trips to anyplace because you might need a change of clothes, coat, snacks, drinks, and knowing where the nearest potty is, and speaking of Potty... It seems that kids will leave you alone all day long until you need to use the potty yourself and they seem to form a revolving door around the bathroom when ever you sit on the toilet.  It's not just the toilet either.  The second you get naked and step foot under or in the tub or shower you are getting yelled at about something major happening while you are soaking wet!  My van looks like a tornado blew through on any random day, except for the few seconds right after I spend HOURS cleaning it out and running the vaccume through it.  I can't mow my own yard because of the fear a kid will come running out to me and I won't see them and cut their foot off.  I swear sometimes I think we should rent a room at the Dr's office because it seems someone is always sick, injured, or needing shots or examined for some reason.  Structured, planned life... this is life ABC (after Brody & Cole)  funny thing is... I wouldn't change a second. 

It humors me how we as humans can adapt.  I was such a clean, neat freak before kids.  I hated things out of place, I hated anything dirty.  Now things seem to be in constant clutter, and filth!   I spend my time cleaning up messes after they make them and never seem to be caught up because they seem to work faster making the messes than I can clean up the mess they just made.  Now I am outnumbered. It's two against one and when they part ways, I am in BIG trouble!  One is tearing something up in one place and the other is someplace else.  It's a method of desaster and mass destruction that my boys have learned to accomplish in the very few years they have each been on this earth.  Laundry piles up, so do dishes, my floors constantally need swept.  I will get to it all eventually, I hope.

When I was a true neat freak, my father was alive.  I used to put of going places and doing things because I was worried about my house, my laundry, my car, myself.  Then in the blink of an eye my father was taken from me.  I learned to quickly take a step back and try not to sweat the small stuff.  This was super hard for me.  I had to learn to let things go.  Moments.  This is what we should live for.  Not the clean house, not the empty hamper, perfect car, perfect life.  Life isn't so perfect if you are constantally worrying about if you made your bed that day, did you leave dishes in the sink, is your trash can about to run over?  Who really cares?  I learned that for all those times I could have spent making memories with my father and had other "important" things to do, I will never get those moments back.  The housework and "things" would have waited.  My father is not here anymore to do things with.  I learned to appreciate what you have right in front of you and make the most of it.

Cole was born at 4:20 p.m. on Monday September 8, 2003.  He was 7 lbs. 3 oz. 20 inches long.  He had the BIGGEST cone head I have ever seen on a baby.  He had a head full of BLACK hair, and the most perfect lips you ever did see.  He was all ours.  Bill and I were so young, in love and had created the most perfect baby.  I can remember the smell of him the first time he was placed in my arms.  I remember going into the NICU and watching him through the incubator.  I remember reaching in and feeling him wrap his tiny little fingers around mine.  I can remember looking into Bills eyes and knowing we did it!  We created such a miracle, he was finally here!  What an amazing moment in our relationship!  The birth of our first born child.  I was so proud of US that day!

Cole is now 80 lbs.  He comes up to my chest.  He's full of life and full of smiles.  He can help me clean, helps me make messes, helps me be happy to be alive every day!  He has his own little brain, and he uses it daily to be creative and do smart things and make smart choices.  He's his own little person.  I pray daily that we have and are doing the right thing and raising him to be the best he can be?  How do you ever know if you are doing good enough?  Time will tell I suppose, but as long as we continue to raise such a well mannered little man, I don't think we've done too bad. 

Because of this kid our whole world changed 7 years ago!  I learned to treasure all the little moments, live life for all the perfect little things, even if your house, car, life gets messy... just step back, take a deep breath, smile and ENJOY every moment!  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Make tons of memories, and ENJOY your family and life each and every day, everything else will fall into place eventually... maybe?!?!

Happy 7th Birthday Cole!  You are an AMAZING young man and I am PROUD to be your mommy!

Busy Busy Labor Day Weekend!

Date night was a hit in my book!  Bill and I went to Farm & Home in Keokuk and got a new jacket for him.  I hit up the clearance rack and happened to stumble on one that was only $10 and then there was an additional 20% off of that, so for $8 we got him a light fall jacket!   After shopping we were both starved.  We had a fantastic steak dinner at the Cellar.  It was so good.  We got to actually talk to each other without kids and really had a nice time. 

Sunday I spent the morning cleaning house, then headed into town to visit G&G Trone.  Grandpa just makes me sad.  He has his moments where he's all there then next moment he's lost, confused, and out of sorts.  His mind is slipping more and more every day.  Today (Tuesday) when I went in there to sit with him while grandma went to get a perm and haircut, he asked about 100 times where grandma was.  I kept telling him, he just keep forgetting.  He would take his coat off, put it back on, take it off, put it on.  Get on the couch, move to the kitchen table, back to the couch, to the chair, to the bed.  He's just not comfortable anywhere today.  Nor is his body temp comfortable.  He's miserable.  The house is 80 degrees and we are all dying in there and he's groaning how cold he is.  Covered up with 2 heavy blankets.  Poor thing.  He hasn't smoked in 10 years, but demanded a cig the other night.  Jeremy and Mom gave him one of Grandmas and he sat there and held it.  Didn't really smoke it.  But then he turned around and told me that he only did it cause he was mad at Grandma cause she told him no he can't smoke?  He did it out of spite to her.  He is also stuck on this story that he and grandma own a house in Missouri that is exactly like the one they own in carthage.  He keeps saying he will go to bed in carthage, wake up in missiouri and vice versa.  It's so sad. 

Yesterday we had a fish fry for the August Birthdays at the farm.  Keith's fryer took a crap on him, so we only had ours up and running and ended up Bill had to cook all the fish and taters and it took forever.  Nothing ever seems to go right when you have people waiting around to eat.  The fish and food was good.  It was a lot of work getting it all ready, shop cleaned up, Bill mowed the yard, they had to set up tables, fryers, and then all the preparations for cooking food and throwing it all together and making it run smoothly.  It was more stressful this time around on me because I just wasn't for sure how many people were going to come, and Bill kept coming home telling me more and more people were invited and I was worried about enough supplies for everyone.  It all worked out nicely.  It turned out to be a nice night, once the food finally got all cooked.  The kids had a blast playing hard.  Both of my boys came home, had baths and went right to bed!  They were pooped!

Tomorrow is Mom & Cole's Birthday.  I am just in awe that I have a 7 year old!  It just doesn't seem to me that Cole should be 7 yet!  He's growing up and becoming such a kind and thoughful little guy.  He's so softhearted and such a happy little boy.  I am so proud of the little man he's becoming.  It just melts my heart to see him fill the shoes of "Big Brother" he does such a wonderful job at it!  He seldom gets upset with Brody.  He's so patient and kind to him.  He's the light in Brody's eyes that's for sure!  That boy idolizes his Big brother.  He truly lights up when Cole's around!  He gets all excited and claps his hands when he sees that shcool bus pull up every afternoon.  He just glows with excitement to see Cole step off the bus and then he squeals and claps until he gets inside the house!  I bought cookies and juice boxes to take to the school for Cole's birthday snack.  Brody has a Dr's appointment tomorrow for his One Year well baby visit.  This will mean 3 shots and an oral medicine, so I have my tylenol out and ready to give to him before we head out tomorrow.  Poor kid will be miserable all day tomorrow.  He always runs a fever,and is so fussy on shot day.  It will not be a fun 24 hours I am sure.  I hope to get  some good rest tonight.

Kickoff Labor Day Weekend

It's Saturday!  Today's a BIG day with BIG plans.  First off we have to go to Quincy with my Mom to get Cole's school clothes.  Mom and I found they have AMAZING Labor day sales so we always put off getting him clothes till this weekend.  This will be a Long day of trying on clothes, and seeing what fits. Boys are so hard to shop for.  He's too big for an 8 reg.  8 Husky are too big in the legs and too long, so we are thinking a 10 or a 12 slim?
Then I will be stopping in to check on Grandpa Trone to see how he's doing tonight.  I guess he had a great night last night!
Tonight my husband wants to take me out on a date!  I am excited about this.  It's his idea to go out tonight.  I have no idea what he has in mind?  I am excited for a night out with my hunny!  I will need it after shopping all day with Cole and my Mom!  Those two wear me out!

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone!  Have a safe one!  Buckle up and LOOKOUT for the cops, I hear they are going to be thick out there!

Am I going crazy?

What a week!  The Birthday party started off the whirlwind of events!  We had so much fun that day!!

My boys are getting so grown up!  They are both just so handsome and it amazes me how much alike they look!  I think the pool party was the right way to go.  They both enjoyed themselves the whole day!  It was such a long day for them both!

The waterslide was the highlight of the party for sure! 

Then there were presents of course!!

And CAKE!!!  Who could forget that!

Brody's going back to the Dr in the morning, we are getting this major diaper rash looked at again.  2 Weeks ago I thought it was yeasty looking and took him they told me to use A&D on it and nothing else.  So we've tried that and it hasn't worked.  It's so bad now he's bleeding and crying with every pee and poop.  Poor guy.  His bum is raw.  It makes me cry. 

Grandpa Trone is ornery as ever.  Spent another day in there today.  He's so darned confused you never know what is going to come out of his mouth next.  Tonight he was so flipping mad because nobody would give him smokes.  He hasn't smoked in 15 years but insisted he still did and even called me wanting me to bring him smokes to town.  Ummm hello... NO NO NO!  I pissed him off telling him no, but oh well. 

I am looking forward to a long weekend.  It's time for some much needed relaxation and rest.  Like that will happen, but I can think it anyhow?!  I know mom and I have to take Cole school clothes shopping one day, then we have some other things planned for the weekend.  It's going to be a fun long one! 

It's the middle of the night, I better try to get back to bed... Brody has been up crying for an hour now.  Not sure why, but the only way he will sleep is on my lap?  It's cute in a way, but totally confining in other ways!  I would rather be in bed, but looks like I will have to crash in this recliner again tonight.