It's comical to me how much a few words on a blog can really get shit going. This is MY PERSONAL BLOG. I write what's on MY MIND. I am not writing to please anyone. I do not apologize for anything I have, or will write on here. If you don't like what you are reading... why in the hell do you keep coming back for more? Stop reading? I just don't get it. I am not twisting any ones arms into coming here to read this. I just use this as an outlet for my feelings, thoughts, and most of all memories. It seems that I have offended MANY people by what I posted in my last entry, it seems that MANY people want me to stop posting family matters online. What the hell ever happened to freedom of speech? I feel that this is my one and only outlet in life to let it all go. I come here, pour my heart out and this keeps me sane. I do not MAKE anyone come here, or read this babbling shit. I also tend to think that if you have a problem with what I have to say, come directly to me and confront me and don't be a pansy ass about it and go behind my back to my MOTHER. Come on people, GROW UP.
I was VERY VERY misunderstood, in one friggin sentence that I wrote and everyone seems to take MAJOR offense to it, to the point that they will no longer speak to me. That's just great. If that's how you want to be, fine with me. I don't need you, or your kind in my life. If you take offense to my words, then please feel free to confront me about it. Don't go trashing me behind my back, or having your children do it for you. Give me a chance to explain to you what I am saying and don't put words into my mouth. Don't let on like I am brainwashing people or making people in this world do things their heart isn't into doing. I am sorry people, I am NOT GOD and I don't have the power to make people do everything I say. Grown adults can and should be able to make up their own minds on what they want in life. I don't let people tell me what to do. I stand on my own two feet, and you should too. We live in America, land of the free. You should have the freedom to make choices and follow through.
I am a good hearted person. I'd give the clothes off my back to anyone who needed them. I live each day treating others as I want to be treated. I've done nothing but bend over backwards for people in this world and more times than not I am the one getting shit on. I make many sacrifices for others and then when it comes down to it, not many people in this world are really there for ME and MY FAMILY when we need you the most. The same people only call me when they want something, or need money, or want to use me for some reason. I am fed up with being shit on. I am fed up with being so kindhearted and compassionate and then getting totally slapped in the face for it, by people who are supposed to be the ones to support and love me the most. I can't take it anymore. I can't take the heartache that comes from me doing and doing and doing for everyone else and getting nothing in return, even when I need it.
From today on I am a changed woman. If you notice I am not as free spirited, nice or carefree as I used to be, just get used to it. I've decided to be like the majority of the people in this world and just plain not give a shit about anyone but ME anymore. It's time I dedicate some time to being a self centered bitch and let myself and my family get ahead for once in this lifetime.
On a lighter note... I do have some AMAZING people in my life. I have my Grandparents and they are all just amazing. I have my Mother and Shawn and till death they will truly be one of the few who love and support me unconditionally. I have my wonderful husband who is just as much of a softy and kind hearted person as I am. I have my boys, they are my world. My in-laws are spectacular people who go to great lengths to love and support us in all that we do. I have some pretty awesome sister and brother in laws. They too, are super supportive of us and love us to pieces. I really am blessed by many great friends and family. It's the ones who will love you through thick and thin that matter most in this world.
Our new home is almost complete. I want to thank each and every one of you who has commented on our progress. It's been such a long journey, but move in week is finally drawing near. Bill just sent me a photo of the sealed and finished floors and I LOVE how they look! We are all so super excited to get moved in and settled. It will be so amazing to finally be able to call it "home" When we get all settled we plan on having a HUGE hog roast/kegger/house warming party for all our friends and family. We can't wait till that date! It will be time to celebrate what all we've accomplished these last few months. Time to finally sit back, and enjoy our progress.
Fact of the matter is, I know I've said most of this before about becoming a more stronger, firmer, meaner person, and I just can't seem to follow through with it. What the heck is wrong with me that I can't stick to my guns and just not be walked over all the time? I truly am sick of doing and doing for people and never getting the favors returned. I am sick of always being the scapegoat too. I am just plain sick of drama and all that goes with it. I will be so glad to get moved and get in the bubble of my own happiness and bask in it for awhile! I love my life. I am thankful for those of you who choose to stick around and be a part of it, in goodness and in bad, in my giving and my taking, in my niceness and my bitchiness. I am just grateful that overall, I am LOVED! I just want you to know that I do love you all too!
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