Day TWO, time to get REAL

I guess it's time for me to be real...

This totally sucks.  It's not easy.  It's so hard to prepare food for the entire family.  It's so tempting to just take a bite.  Not that I "want" to, but I find myself going to sneak a bite here or a bite there.  I guess that's what got me into this mess.  I didn't realize how much I taste when I cook.  I almost slipped up MANY times in one day?  What is wrong with me that I allowed myself to ever get this way? 

Making Brody a plate I just wanted to take a nibble, feeding him is the same way.  How many nibbles have I taken from his plates?  How many extra calories have I consumed since he's been born and eating solids?  

If anything this 5 day diet will really make me look long and hard at my food choices in my life.  What my habbits are, how hard they have always been to break, and the fact that here in a few days my body will physically NOT be able to handle what I was used to ever putting in it.  TWO medicine cups.  TWO OUNCES.  That is all I will be able to consume and not even that much in the beginning.  It's very very in my face at this time.  I won't even be able to consume what Brody can eat.  That's going to be a shock to me!  The fact that I will feel FULL though will help.  

I've gotta find a way I can eat this protein.  It's making my belly hurt so badly.  It smells so bad.  I did the straw thing, which I won't be able to do after surgery.  I can't wait until I get farther along in this program and get to the point where I can take a protein bar and snack on it through the day and that will give me my protein.  I do NOT like drinking this crap.  I think when I can do the shakes I will be happier, but this clear liquid crap is awful.  I'm sure it's all awful, but I do enjoy carnation instant breakfasts, I wish I could just have those right now.  

I hope this winter storm doesn't prevent us from getting to Peoria Friday.  Wouldn't that be just my friggin luck!  I seriously want to just go there today and be there.  I am so nervous I won't make my surgery date.  

Over all, I'd say I am doing good, minus the fact that I have to cook for everyone else, which is so HARD.  My belly is growling all the time.  It almost makes me sick it hurts!  It's harder than one would think to be on clear liquids when you aren't sick.  When there's nothing wrong with you and you are healthy, it's so hard to just drink your diet!  Today I am going to get some apple juice and hopefully some sugar soda to give me some energy.  I am just dog tired.  No energy seems to be the cards dealt to me for the rest of this week. 

I wish I could just have ONE BITE!!!!

Day One

Friday night was splendid!  I went to supper with Kyra, it was yummy, we had Mexican.  Then I headed out to the Peacock and met up with the girls.  It was a blast.  We laughed and laughed.  Bill showed up for a bit, my brother was there with all his friends.  It was just a simple night out, but totally fun!!! 

Yesterday I was kinda hungover.  My tummy just wasn't right.  I visited Grandma Trone and then came home and we worked on Coles pinewood derby car and then had a nice supper.  I made steaks and baked taters and mixed veggies.  The steak was super yummy.  We haven't had a good steak since summer.  We all went to bed by 10 it was an early night for us all.

Today I took the boys to church.  Bill and I met up at the new house with the guys we are thinking of hiring to do the plaster work and some electrical stuff for us.  The good news is the kitchen has some tile on the walls that I was afraid to remove because I didn't want to get into a major problem if the tile ripped plaster off, but these guys are going to remove the tile, and fix the walls!  I am so happy and excited for all the stuff they said they will do.  Now I got some major shopping to do after this surgery!  Another great news bit today was the dining room floor is hardwood, we pulled up some of the carpet to look, and it looks AMAZING!!  This makes me soooo happy so that we can leave it hardwood!  I love that!  Now we will have enough money in my "budget" for me to get the congolenum floor I want for the kitchen!!  YES YES YES!!!
I am feeling so happy about the planning we did today.  It all just seems to flow well with the plans we already had.  It looks like we will be moving in sooner than we thought if they work as fast as they say they do!  They think they will be done with everything that we talked about with in a weeks time.  Then we will have to pint, hang a few cabinets, install the kitchen cabinets and go from there. 

Today is day one of my clear liquid diet.  It's not too bad, but the protein drinks are just awful.  They taste horrible.  They smell even worse.  This is going to be a long 5 days of choking this crap down.  I will be happy when I get to the point I can just eat a protein bar, and get enough protein in for the day.  Ugh.   I don't know how those bodybuilders do it.  This about gags me.  I just have to choke it down fast.  Which is okay now, but after surgery I will NEVER be able to drink that fast so it will really be a challenge then.  Gross. 

I hope these 5 days go by fast.  I am just not a huge jello or broth fan.  They both kinda gag me!  That's about the only thing I can have besides water and tea.  This too shall pass...

Sounds like we are in for a heck of a snowstorm.  I hope we don't get as much as they say we will... it sounds crazy!

I better get off here and get these boys fed.  Monday will be here before we know it and it's back to school for Cole! 

Million miles a minute...

I can't sleep.  I have so much on my mind and it just keeps spinning round and round in there!  I need to go shopping this week to buy me some comfy pants.  Sweats or something like it to wear for a week or so after surgery.   I was told not to plan on jeans or anything tight on my tummy.  I remember that part after my gallbladder surgery, so I need to go get me some new pants.  I have 2 pairs here, but probably need to get a couple more, since I have to count on Bill to do the laundry, so who knows when they will end up getting washed for a few weeks!  Ha.

I need broth.  Lots and lots of broth.  That will be a main source of food for 5 days before surgery.  And Jello... I have next Saturday lined out to make up my Jello and get it all ready to eat for Sunday-Thursday.  Jennifer and Shawna hooked me up with protein shakes and mixes for before and after surgery.  I'm sure I will HATE them like everyone else does, but I gotta give them a try for awhile. 

I keep praying for speedy recovery, great surgery outcome and guidance for the surgeons and hope and pray this all comes true.  I've never been put to sleep for this long.  6 hours is a long time to be under.  I hope that I also get some much needed rest when this is all said and done, and during of course.  I sure haven't been sleeping well lately.  I hate that part.  I have too much details to think about.  I want this to go as smoothly as possible on my end.  I am planning and planning and I guess what makes it hardest is that I have these kids to worry about.  Both of them have been through so much these last couple years, I sure don't want to make them go through anything else.  I hope my recovery doesn't affect them too much.  The hardest part will be no snuggles in the chair daily like we usually do, and I can't hold Brody for weeks.  This will be soooo hard on him.  It will be horrible on me too, cause I really enjoy holding him.  He's just too squirmy and rammy.

The new house... it's all so "hurry up and wait"  it makes me nervous.  I won't be at peace there until the papers are signed and it's "OURS"  We have the loan process started, just waiting on the appraisal and then we can go from there.  I have some major shopping to do for supplies and PAINT when we get it!

Today is Sunday.  We are going to the farm with Bill.  He wants to work on Cole's pinewood derby car. This will be a fun project for both of them!  Cole's all excited because I picked out the paint for him to paint it up.  That will be his best part!  He's so creative.  He doesn't care if he wins or not, he just wants to do this with Daddy.  It will be fun for them.  We also have a guy coming to give us a bid on the plaster cracks in the new house.  There are 2 areas we want fixed before we get to painting.  He's pretty amazing at that stuff so he's coming to talk to us about fixing it and making it look like new!  I love getting to spend time over there looking and planning things out.  I have all these visions in my mind and can't wait to get in there and get it all going! 

Tuesday I go to Peoria for my Pre Op visit.  I also have a nutrition class that day to discuss before and after surgery nutrition.  I plan on checking with the nurse to make sure all the protein stuff I have is good, and if I need to go to the Riverplex and buy more.  That crap is outrageous!  It's horribly high priced, so it better do it's job!

I have to take a day this week and do my last minute shopping for the guys groceries too.  Get a few easy to cook things for them to have on hand to go along with what I've already cooked and to have simple things here for them while I'm down and out.  I won't be able to drive for a few weeks so I need to stock up on things now so I don't have to depend on everyone to run errands for me later. 

I have a few movies lined up that I haven't seen yet for my recovery that I can't wait to see.  My mom has quite a few days in a row off for my surgery so that will help too.  Bev is keeping Brody for me Thurs-Sunday.  Bill plans on staying in Peoria with me the whole time I am up there.  Unless there's an emergency at the farm that he needs to get home for.  (secretly I think he's looking forward to some down time) he's been so busy lately he sure could use a few days rest... not that you get much at the hospital, but we'll see. 

I'm just this big old ball of energy right now and I can't rest up... I am too excited and things are going on in my head a million miles a minute... it needs to stop!  I need sleep!

Counting down the days... 13

Things are coming together.  I am not nervous, but I am just praying things go smoothly for us.  I have some meals planned for the guys, I have to talk to my mother in law to get the time set up for when she can keep the boys.  I am hoping to be home sooner rather than later.  I really want to just have it over and done with.  I feel so under prepared.  I hope that I'm ahead of the game, but I am not really sure how ahead I can be with 2 little boys terrorizing my house on a daily basis.  I did a whole house makeover a couple weeks ago when Anna was home to sit with Brody.  I have done an AMAZING job keeping it all together since then.  It has been a struggle most days, but I am strict with the kids and it's working.  Cole has been super great helping me.  Brody makes more messes than we can keep up with, but we sure have been trying hard.  I just don't want to leave this place in shambles and then come home to a disaster to heal in.  I want it all kept together.  Is that asking for too much?  Lord I hope not!

Today Brody really surprised me.  I asked him if he had boogies, cause he's had a runny nose.  He walked over, grabbed the wipes box and brought the baby wipes to me to wipe his nose.  After I was done I asked him to put the box away, and he did!  Then to top it off I handed him the dirty wipe and told him to go throw it in the trash, and he did!!!  Smarty pants!!!  I am so proud of him.  He's still not talking, but he seems to have no problem understanding directions. 

Bill's been working his butt off with calving and helping other people calve.  He's taking on a new hobby!  He's really enjoying being so productive, but we do miss him here at home.  Some nights he doesn't get home before midnight.  We've learned to make the best of the little moments with him that we get. 

We are all fighting this sore throat and cold that's been going around.  It sucks.  I hope we all get over it ASAP. 

Tomorrow we have a guy coming to give us a bid on the plaster work in the new house.  We are waiting on the guy to come for the estimate for the bank.   Then all that's left is to sign the papers and our new home is OURS!!!  This will give me motive to get well soon!  I have a lot of projects to do!  I want to paint, redo the kitchen and possibly dining room floors, new carpet in the living room.  I have to pack our stuff here and move it.  I have decided to bring boxes home with me every time I go to town from now on and start packing stuff up.  Busy busy busy!  I am so excited for all these changes though.  I just can't wait!

Finally all coming together!

Fantastic news, Brody's spleen is back to normal size.  The Dr. was right in thinking that it was just enlarged again this visit because he was sick.  We will continue to monitor it with every well baby checkup and if it's large again he will have another round of blood work, to see if he is still affected by the mono.  This wild child of mine sure is a handful, but he's worth every second. 

We are a tad concerned by his delay in things.  He just really started walking at 15 months.  He babbles sometimes, but doesn't talk much.  The only thing he will say and repeat is Da-Da.  He's very unsteady walking.  Our PA mentioned at our last well baby visit that he was a tad behind on a bunch of things.  I have noticed this as well, but didn't want to spend his whole life comparing him to Cole.  When the MRI came back clear, because of the temper, fits and screaming episodes, along with the hitting of his head, the Neurologist wants him seen by a childhood behavioral specialist.  We are trying to determine if he is on the highly functional end of the Autism Spectrum.  There is an Autism Specialist in Peoria Dr. Lindsey, and we will be going to see this Dr as soon as Brody gets evaluated by all these developmental specialists. Thursday morning one of the specialists is visiting our home to evaluate him on a few things.  Then in a couple weeks another specialist will come and evaluate him on a few other things.  Dr. Lindsey wants to make sure he's had an all round assessment before he sees him and so that is what we will do.  I know all kids develop differently, I know this may be jumping the gun, but to have 2 different Dr's recommend to us that we need to get him seen, finally gave Bill and I the push to make the appointments.  Bill hates the thought of labeling his child with something, I am not fond of the idea either, but here's how I see it... if he DOES have something developmentally wrong with him, then I would love to catch it early, and help him get the best care, to be the best and smartest kid he can possible be.  I don't want him labeled to give up on him.  I want him labeled so that we can get him the help he needs to be the best he can be.  This was such a difficult decision on us to make.  Our Dr. assured us that his son was the exact same way, and when he turned two he just started talking in sentences and you'd have never known he didn't talk his whole life till then.   He's getting smarter every day, he's not dumb by any means, but if there's a special way we need to be teaching him so he understands us better I want to learn what to do so we can help him succeed in life. 

BIG news in our neck of the woods... we're buying a HOUSE!!!  Bill is going to the bank Tuesday to draw up the papers and as soon as everything goes through it's OUR NEW HOME!!!  It's a tad closer to the farm.  It is actually surrounded by ground Keith owns. It's 3 Bedrooms, it's single story, full basement, it's perfect for us.  It needs some updating, paint, carpet, attention... but we've got all that covered.  The construction process will begin ASAP.  I have been so busy picking out things, comparing prices, getting figures together.  Mom and I are chomping at the bit to get in there and get to work!  First order of business is replacing the furnace.   It has central air, but it has a fuel oil furnace in it and we don't want that.  Next up will be painting, ripping out carpet, replacing kitchen, dining room, and living room flooring.  Painting bedrooms, re-doing bathroom, replacing fixtures and MOVING... Ugh.  This will give me something to heal fast for!  The best part of it all is Bill will have a machine shed to work his seed business from home.  He won't be doing that till next year, because the shed is rented for the year this year, but 2012 his Kruger business will be ran out our back door.  That will be so exciting for him.  The boys have spent quite a bit of time over there already, and each has kinda gravitated towards their own bedrooms.  Brody's favorite room is going to be his bedroom, and Cole picked out the bedroom he wants.  He is soooo excited!  He wants a yellow wall and some white walls too!  He cracks me up!  I am most excited that everyone will have their own room, all on the same level.  I am also excited that Bill will be around more, working , but working from home.  That will be great for us all.  The boys need daddy close more often.  I am excited for all the changes this new year is bringing.  I can't contain myself!  It's going to be a perfect year.  NEW YEAR, NEW HOME, NEW BODY, NEW HEALTH, and plenty of HAPPINESS for it all!!!! 

Resolutions and Failing...

No school for TWO whole days!  We didn't get a whole lot of snow, but it did blow, and drifted here in the country.  Our driveway drifted shut on me yesterday afternoon while I was out and about in town in the morning!  I made it up, but Bill came home and scooped out the entire thing with the tractor and loader.  I love that man!  Cole spent the two days living in a makeshift fort I built for him in the dining room out of chairs and blankets.  He played games in there and Brody joined him most of the time!  They were pretty quiet and things were peaceful around here. 

Yesterday I had to go to the hospital and have a bunch of testing done for my surgery.  This is all pre op stuff that the Dr wants done before he will operate.  I had 14 tubes of blood taken, a chest x-ray, and EKG and then an upper GI.  It was awful!  I couldn't eat or drink since midnight.  My testing began at 9 am.  The upper GI started at about 10.  My belly hasn't been right since being sick, so it kinda was hard to drink the barium.  It made me a bit sick to my stomach.  It was so chalky and just plain nasty.  It was really really cool to get to see my innards!  That part was amazing.  Seeing the scans of my esophagus, and stomach, and also my duodenum.  It was pretty neat! 

I can not believe my surgery will be 3 weeks from tomorrow!  21 more days!  I have been trying to freeze a few meals here and there for the guys to eat.  It's going to make me feel so much better knowing that they have food and aren't suffering because I am laid up. So far I have a chicken casserole and a tator tot casserole in the freezer.  Every little bit will help, as long as we aren't depending on everyone else to cook and care for us for a month!  I hope to be quick on the mend.  I just know I will not feel like cooking, especially when I can't, nor will I want to eat, as I've been told. I have stuff set to make some lasagna too.  That's the plan sometime over this weekend. 

I have to take Brody back to the Dr tomorrow to get his lungs listened to.  Make sure the antibiotics and breathing treatments finally did their jobs after weeks of treatments.  He is also going to feel his spleen and make sure it isn't still enlarged.  It's been quite enlarged since October when we discovered he had mono.   It was pretty enlarged again last week when we were there for him being sick.  Jeff's just wanting to make sure it's down.  I sure hope so. 

End of the year is now gone.  I am working on getting all our tax documents in order to go to the accountant.  I sure hope we can get this done as soon as possible before my surgery.  W2's are starting to roll in as well as interest statements from the banks and stuff.  Then I can get our appointment made.  I hate this time of year.  I wish I could just pay someone to handle it all for me, but I don't trust anyone to do that, so I deal with it on my own.  It has to be done. 

There's BIG things in our future.  I just have to have the patience to let them all play out!  I am not a patient kind when I know things are happening I just want them DONE!  When the dust settles from this all, hopefully we can start out our New Year super fresh!  New Year, New Me, New Life... well sort of!  Same life, just lots of NEW beginnings in it!  Our love and faith will have to hold us strong until everything gets settled and we can get on the road with the new chapter.  I am hoping after I have recovered from surgery everything will begin!

In the mean time... my Christmas tree is coming down this weekend, laundry needs caught up, dishes need done... as always, and I'm sure there will be housecleaning and cooking involved.  Bill's been hounding me for BBQ Ribs.  We just got a hog butchered and he can't wait for some BBQ!!! 

I am the luckiest girl in the whole world.  I have the perfect family, the most perfect friends, and enough love to fill them all up!  I sometimes don't think I let them know how much I appreciate each and every one of them.  They all mean the world to me.  My New Years Resolution this year is to not let a moment go by when you can tell someone you appreciate them.  I have been trying to let everyone  know how much I love and appreciate all they do.  I've caught a few funny looks from some lately... I just smile and pretend I don't notice.  Yesterday when Bill took out my trash before work I told him "thanks hunny, I love all you do for me" and he looked confused... like I was up to something.  I just gave him a kiss and walked away!  Ha... he probably still thinks I am wanting something!!!!  He he he.  My other resolution is to not let people walk all over me.  I know the ones who do it.  I am going to not stand for it anymore.  I need to finally put me first.  ME ME ME!  Something I am also going to have to work very, very hard at.  I will more than likely fail at this one, but hopefully my success at the other one will do? 
Time to go cook supper... I am NOT really hungry, so I am NOT in the mood tonight!

YEAH for ME!!!!

Whew, I have been hit hard.  I started noticing my stomach hurting last night about 6 and by 8 I was full on puking.  I puked all night long every 15-30 minutes I was up and down all night.  My belly hurt so bad.  This morning I finished puking at about 10:30 and then the other end started running.  I spent the day sleeping or sitting on the toilet and my guts have just rolled.  I have only eaten 2 saltine crackers since yesterday at noon.  I am soooo scared to put anything in my belly.  I have just been sipping on water.  It makes my belly growl and hurt though.  I don't want another night like last night.  It was horrible.  Tonight my whole body aches, all my muscles hurt form heaving so hard all night long.  My bones ache.  I wish this fever would go away soon. 

On to some good news that I haven't had any time to write about on here is I finally got my surgery date!!!!  I am set up for FRIDAY FEB 4th!!!!  It's so close!  I am so excited!  Good news is I have my house all cleaned up and ready to go, now I just need to get food schedules organized for the boys and help here at home lined up for me.  It's all so overwhelming.  I won't be able to lift Brody for approx 4-6 weeks.  This part scares me bad, he's such a mommas boy.  I'm hoping he can at least sit on my lap eventually without hurting me.  That will help some.  He loves cuddling with his momma!  Good news is my Grandma isn't working and she enjoys the company, so we may wear out our welcome there for a while. 

Everyone keeps asking if I am nervous... nope.  I am EXCITED!  I know deep in my heart this is what I was meant to do in life.  I can't wait to wake up from surgery and begin my life as a new woman!  Healthy and happy and more in love with my family than I am today!    I'm most nervous about everyone Else's reactions.  I know when I start to decline in size some people will treat me much differently.  Some for the better, and I've been warned some for the worst.  I know I am a strong person.,  I will just have to take it as it comes and pray that I can handle myself with dignity and hope for a brighter future for our family.  That's what this all boils down to.  I just want to be here for my family.  They're stuck with me for good!

I have so much more I'd love to say, but I am wiped out.  I just need to rest my poor achy body.  I am just exhausted.  I feel like I've been run over.