Day TWO, time to get REAL

I guess it's time for me to be real...

This totally sucks.  It's not easy.  It's so hard to prepare food for the entire family.  It's so tempting to just take a bite.  Not that I "want" to, but I find myself going to sneak a bite here or a bite there.  I guess that's what got me into this mess.  I didn't realize how much I taste when I cook.  I almost slipped up MANY times in one day?  What is wrong with me that I allowed myself to ever get this way? 

Making Brody a plate I just wanted to take a nibble, feeding him is the same way.  How many nibbles have I taken from his plates?  How many extra calories have I consumed since he's been born and eating solids?  

If anything this 5 day diet will really make me look long and hard at my food choices in my life.  What my habbits are, how hard they have always been to break, and the fact that here in a few days my body will physically NOT be able to handle what I was used to ever putting in it.  TWO medicine cups.  TWO OUNCES.  That is all I will be able to consume and not even that much in the beginning.  It's very very in my face at this time.  I won't even be able to consume what Brody can eat.  That's going to be a shock to me!  The fact that I will feel FULL though will help.  

I've gotta find a way I can eat this protein.  It's making my belly hurt so badly.  It smells so bad.  I did the straw thing, which I won't be able to do after surgery.  I can't wait until I get farther along in this program and get to the point where I can take a protein bar and snack on it through the day and that will give me my protein.  I do NOT like drinking this crap.  I think when I can do the shakes I will be happier, but this clear liquid crap is awful.  I'm sure it's all awful, but I do enjoy carnation instant breakfasts, I wish I could just have those right now.  

I hope this winter storm doesn't prevent us from getting to Peoria Friday.  Wouldn't that be just my friggin luck!  I seriously want to just go there today and be there.  I am so nervous I won't make my surgery date.  

Over all, I'd say I am doing good, minus the fact that I have to cook for everyone else, which is so HARD.  My belly is growling all the time.  It almost makes me sick it hurts!  It's harder than one would think to be on clear liquids when you aren't sick.  When there's nothing wrong with you and you are healthy, it's so hard to just drink your diet!  Today I am going to get some apple juice and hopefully some sugar soda to give me some energy.  I am just dog tired.  No energy seems to be the cards dealt to me for the rest of this week. 

I wish I could just have ONE BITE!!!!