Oh happy day... NOT really, but busy one at that. With the whirlwind of the last few days, I am feeling like whooping some butt, so I plan on whooping this house into shape today. I got to bake a couple cakes for my Uncle Dicks meal after his funeral service tomorrow. I signed up for some desserts so I am making pumpkin bars. Yum. I also plan on making some veggie soup and taking that in too. Should be an interesting day at that. Clean house, cook, and then Cole gets out of school at One today. This means he will be home shortly after two. I plan on being set to go at Two and head out. I am going to do some MAJOR shopping today. I want to stockpile some canned goods, and get the cupboards full and ready for winter. I really really hate shopping in the winter time. It's such a PITA to get out and get Brody out in the cold with snowballs flying and get groceries. I hit up the county market 10/$10 deals this week, but that isn't even the tip of the iceberg. I really want to get veggies, soups, beans, and dry goods stockpiled so I know I don't have to go anyplace if I don't want to. I also need some household extras too, foil, baggies, tp, pt, laundry soap, diswasher soap, trash bags. You get the drift... this is going to be a BIG shopping trip, so before I can head out today, after I bake cakes, or while they are baking, I also need to clean out the van. Get my butt in gear for this trip! Sams, Aldis and Walmart here I come. Lookout! Cole's going to HATE me after this trip. I might have to BRIBE him with a little prezzie if he helps me out LOTS today!
Brody's new speech therapist is coming today, if she can find us? I hope she can get the directions I gave her. Might have to go to her rescue if she gets lost.
Well this crap isn't going to start itself, as bad as I want it to. I just can't get my rump going today. I'd rather sleep in! I've already gotten Cole up and off and Bill up, breakfast cooked, lunches made, and made coffee. Then laundry going, diswasher unloaded from last night and I'm on my first "break" already! Ha ha ha. Many more of these to come today I'm sure. Still not completely up to par, my cough comes and goes, so does this runny nose. It's frustrating.
To top it off, I FORGOT to bring in my plants last night. Looks like they might be DEAD now. It was COLD out there last night. Oops. Guess I will have to spend the $ on Flowers again next spring. Ugh. This just pisses me off because I planned on bringing them in, forgot. Scatterbrained me. I am worthless if it isn't in my phone or my calendar. Geesh. I am getting old.
Watching Tv. So they are doing a Reynolds Wrap commercial about cooking turkey. Why in the heck don't my turkeys EVER look like that? I am sooooo craving turkey right now. I am ready for Thanksgiving to get here. I just told Grandma Jean that last night. Sounds so yummy now. Turkey, taters, gravy, stuffing... mmmmm best part is, I can EAT a little this year! I am healed up enough now I can enjoy the holidays. Speaking of holidays, Mom got me my fireplace for my living room for Christmas yesterday. It's beautiful. I want it NOW! I'm sooooo excited for this!
Wore my new belt yesterday. Because my new size 14/15 jeans are falling off me. I have no butt to hold them up. I've never really wore a belt before. I know... weird, but honestly people, fat people don't do belts! I must say it did help keep me from pulling up my britches all day long, that was a BONUS!
I love my husband. Don't know why I'm saying this today more than any other day, but he's pretty special. I just think sometimes I don't give him credit for what he does for me. He's my rock. He's the one who holds me up when I'm weak and makes me feel like I am on top of the world. He's been so supportive of me this week, with all the things going on. Last night he kinda needed me a bit and it made me feel special to be there for him when he needed advice. I am honored he thinks enough of my opinion on things to even ask. I know I do the books and keep things in line, but major decisions I leave up to him. This is all still so new to me, even after 12 years of marriage, farming is NOT something I am used to. He's lived it his whole life. He knows the things I don't get. I just feel special to take part in things with him. We are quite the team.
I'm really off now... geesh I'm GOING!!!!!
The Frakes Family
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Where's that easy button???
I don't usually post much about this, because I am angry, hurt and most people just don't understand. People in this world are so narrow minded and quick to judge and I personally don't like to listen to their shit, so I usually keep my mouth shut, but I need to get some stuff off my chest and I'm posting where I let it all out best. Let me start by saying that I'm not wanting to discuss this. I just want to get it out and that's it. I have things I want to say and need to say and so I'm going to say them. I do not want comments, mean or nice, I just don't care. I just have to vent. End of story.
Danny... oh Danny, where do I begin? Danny and I went to school together. We had a few classes together, shared a few laughs, went to a few of the same parties, had some fun. Life happened. Graduation, lives changed. Danny even dated someone near and dear to our hearts. They broke up, his life took a turn. He grew up on a farm less than a mile from Bill his whole life. They rode the bus together, graduated together. Danny was a worker, hard worker, and very very skilled and crafted with his hands. He could design and make projects and they turned out amazing. He had a gift. He was a hard working solid farm boy. He got caught up in a life nobody ever imagined for him. He got sucked into the world of drugs. I think like most people in our area, Danny had dabbled in a little pot here and there, but when he went through a break up that rocked his world, he turned to something even more harsh, meth. Danny is the first to admit what an awful mistake that was. He met and fell in love with a girl who had a child. He played Daddy to that girl and played the part well. He loved her and he loved her momma. Both Danny and his girlfriend Erin were involved with the drugs. It didn't take long to suck him in deep. Something happened, and we may never know what, but that little girl ended up dying. Dying from injuries sustained somehow and swelling of her brain.
Fast forward a few months, Danny gets arrested for Drug charges and then gets pinned with murder charges. Something about all this just shook me to my core. The Danny I knew, could never harm a child, he just didn't have it in him. He was a big teddy bear. Kids flocked to Danny, because honestly he was just a kid at heart. I felt inclined to write to him. I wanted him to know that Bill and I were in his corner and that he had our support.
This started a chain of letters, packages and phone calls over the last 4 years. Danny said he didn't do this. That's good enough for us. He's a good man, he has an awesome family and he needed our support. Hundreds and hundreds of letters later, we have a special friendship and a bond like no other. Danny is such a dear friend to Bill and I and he holds a special place in our hearts.
Yesterday was Danny's sentencing. He had been found guilty of meth charges years ago and had already spent 4 years in federal prison for the meth charges. His murder trial he was found guilty, but the supreme court threw out that trial and ordered a new trial, which he just completed last month, and found guilty once again by 12 jurors. State presented a main statement throughout the trial, that either Danny, or Erin committed this murder. Nobody could seem to find a mother guilty of killing her own child, so the blame once again fell on Danny. The evidence in the case was all circumstantial. There was not one shred of concrete evidence that pinned Danny to this murder. Those jurors were instructed not to let feelings or sympathies play into their decisions, but somehow 12 people found him guilty once again. He does fit the part. He's a big boy, he has short shaved hair, he looks like he could be mean. He really does fit the murderer part much more than the frail, shaky mother. Erin or Danny, Danny or Erin??? That's what the state presented as their case, that's how the jury convicted him once again.
The judge all but stated that he may not be 100% convinced that Danny is a murder, however as a man of the law, his job was to now sentence him. The judicial system has an order of things and now that he's been found guilty, his job is to do the sentencing. In another words, I believe had Danny just not had a trial by jury, I don't think that judge would have found him guilty at all. I think there was enough reasonable doubt in that judges mind to declare a mistrial and put this off until substantial evidence presented itself and the guilty party could be locked up. That is the chance you take though, when you choose how you want your trial. Judge or Jury? Jury or Judge? You would think, you'd have a better chance with a jury, that's TWELVE people that you are supposed to convince 100% that you are guilty, and somehow those twelve people let their emotions play in I'm sure. Otherwise they couldn't have convicted a man of murder. How can you do that to someone? How can you convict someone BEYOND a shadow of DOUBT, when there are so many shreds of doubt thrown throughout this whole trial? Not one shred of evidence pins Danny to this crime, yet he's now labeled a murder and now sentenced to 24 years in prison. Danny is 34 years old. He will get 4 years time served for the time he's already done, so this means he will get out of prison when he is 54 years old. FIFTY-FOUR.
Erin Yocum, the mother of Silven, she sat there in that court room yesterday and was so damned drugged out and doped up she couldn't hold her own head up and her eyeballs kept rolling back into her head. He mouth twitching and so damned tweeked it made me sick. She got up to state how bad Danny had changed her life, how he took away her daughter, and how she will NEVER be the same again, how she will NEVER trust another man again and she suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. She failed to mention in that statement that she was craked out, she obviously HAD trusted another man again, because unless she's like the virgin Mary, she just had TWIN babies whom she can't even take care of because she's STILL worthless like she always has been. She was burnt out when Danny fell in love with her and she still is a burn out, she hasn't changed at all. She totally lied on that one. Ugh. Makes me want to puke just looking at her. She now has TWO babies that she is going to raise up into this drug infused life and it's sad. Sad and sick.
My heart just breaks. I can't stop crying for the life of his that's lost. Cole will be 28 when he gets out. He was 4 when Danny went to jail. Danny's whole life will be spent behind bars, unless he gets his miracle. I tell him to pray. We pray every day for Danny. Danny deserves a miracle. Prison, once again we await the suspense of where they will put him. Where will he go? Maximum? Where at? We are now on pins and needles waiting for them to post where he is, where he will be housed for the rest of his sentence.
So Danny called me yesterday right after court got over. In fact I had left the courthouse and was walking through Wal-mart. Here I am a hot mess, I can't stop crying and my heart is breaking for him and he calls me. He wanted to check on me, and check on Amy and make sure we thought his parents were okay. He was worried about US. This is the reason we love him so, he should be the one upset, yet here he is checking on US. I was on a roll complaining how mean Erin's dad was on the stand and he cuts me off saying "Mandy, calm down a minute and stop. You need to take a minute and put yourself in his shoes, he's lost his granddaughter, he's hurting and he's mad. He's looking to place the blame on someone and he directs it towards me, and that's okay, I know the truth and if he looks deep enough in his heart he knows the truth too, which is why he's so angry with me, it's easier to be angry with me than his own daughter" .... so here I stand, in the toothpaste aisle tears streaming down my face, and I just had the breath knocked out of me. This man, who just got handed his sentence to him , 24 years in prison, was calming me down, was concerned for other people and was so calm and selfless. Change of subject and we moved on. This would more than likely be our last chat before he gets moved, so we gotta make it good. Ten minutes goes by so fast when that's all you get for a phone call. I made sure to get in how much we all love and will miss him until we get to speak to him again, I made sure to tell him we would continue to write as usual, just hold on to them until we get a mailing address for him and I made sure to tell him that Cole and I would continue our Biggest Loser Danny Date Nights without him and keep him updated with what happens on the show over the course of the next few weeks. What's really going to suck is explaining to Cole why Danny can't call on Tuesday nights for awhile. He knows it's coming, and he knows yesterday was his sentencing and he knows he got 24 years, I told him everything. I tell Cole the truth about it all. Cole has grown up with Danny in our lives so he knows all about the trial and everything. To him Danny is his "buddy" and he loves to write him letters, color him pictures and show him his homework good grades! Cole will just have a hard time not getting to say hello to him on the phone this coming Tuesday. He enjoys his Tuesday phone calls. It's going to be a sad night I'm sure.
So here we are. The day after. I can't stand to watch TV. Listening to the news makes me sick. Makes me break out in tears all over again. Randy and Diana are such amazing people. I love them both so much and I am grateful for the world series right now, so they can focus and root for their Cardinals and give them something to root for! Something to focus on and take their minds off things for awhile. It will just be much better when we all know where he is going and how far away he will be. Praying for someplace close so they can go and visit their son often. This is just so hard on them.
So this is why I've been so on edge lately, so upset and so hurt. My heart is breaking for the people I love. I just want an easy button for us all so I can make it better for them all.
Danny... oh Danny, where do I begin? Danny and I went to school together. We had a few classes together, shared a few laughs, went to a few of the same parties, had some fun. Life happened. Graduation, lives changed. Danny even dated someone near and dear to our hearts. They broke up, his life took a turn. He grew up on a farm less than a mile from Bill his whole life. They rode the bus together, graduated together. Danny was a worker, hard worker, and very very skilled and crafted with his hands. He could design and make projects and they turned out amazing. He had a gift. He was a hard working solid farm boy. He got caught up in a life nobody ever imagined for him. He got sucked into the world of drugs. I think like most people in our area, Danny had dabbled in a little pot here and there, but when he went through a break up that rocked his world, he turned to something even more harsh, meth. Danny is the first to admit what an awful mistake that was. He met and fell in love with a girl who had a child. He played Daddy to that girl and played the part well. He loved her and he loved her momma. Both Danny and his girlfriend Erin were involved with the drugs. It didn't take long to suck him in deep. Something happened, and we may never know what, but that little girl ended up dying. Dying from injuries sustained somehow and swelling of her brain.
Fast forward a few months, Danny gets arrested for Drug charges and then gets pinned with murder charges. Something about all this just shook me to my core. The Danny I knew, could never harm a child, he just didn't have it in him. He was a big teddy bear. Kids flocked to Danny, because honestly he was just a kid at heart. I felt inclined to write to him. I wanted him to know that Bill and I were in his corner and that he had our support.
This started a chain of letters, packages and phone calls over the last 4 years. Danny said he didn't do this. That's good enough for us. He's a good man, he has an awesome family and he needed our support. Hundreds and hundreds of letters later, we have a special friendship and a bond like no other. Danny is such a dear friend to Bill and I and he holds a special place in our hearts.
Yesterday was Danny's sentencing. He had been found guilty of meth charges years ago and had already spent 4 years in federal prison for the meth charges. His murder trial he was found guilty, but the supreme court threw out that trial and ordered a new trial, which he just completed last month, and found guilty once again by 12 jurors. State presented a main statement throughout the trial, that either Danny, or Erin committed this murder. Nobody could seem to find a mother guilty of killing her own child, so the blame once again fell on Danny. The evidence in the case was all circumstantial. There was not one shred of concrete evidence that pinned Danny to this murder. Those jurors were instructed not to let feelings or sympathies play into their decisions, but somehow 12 people found him guilty once again. He does fit the part. He's a big boy, he has short shaved hair, he looks like he could be mean. He really does fit the murderer part much more than the frail, shaky mother. Erin or Danny, Danny or Erin??? That's what the state presented as their case, that's how the jury convicted him once again.
The judge all but stated that he may not be 100% convinced that Danny is a murder, however as a man of the law, his job was to now sentence him. The judicial system has an order of things and now that he's been found guilty, his job is to do the sentencing. In another words, I believe had Danny just not had a trial by jury, I don't think that judge would have found him guilty at all. I think there was enough reasonable doubt in that judges mind to declare a mistrial and put this off until substantial evidence presented itself and the guilty party could be locked up. That is the chance you take though, when you choose how you want your trial. Judge or Jury? Jury or Judge? You would think, you'd have a better chance with a jury, that's TWELVE people that you are supposed to convince 100% that you are guilty, and somehow those twelve people let their emotions play in I'm sure. Otherwise they couldn't have convicted a man of murder. How can you do that to someone? How can you convict someone BEYOND a shadow of DOUBT, when there are so many shreds of doubt thrown throughout this whole trial? Not one shred of evidence pins Danny to this crime, yet he's now labeled a murder and now sentenced to 24 years in prison. Danny is 34 years old. He will get 4 years time served for the time he's already done, so this means he will get out of prison when he is 54 years old. FIFTY-FOUR.
Erin Yocum, the mother of Silven, she sat there in that court room yesterday and was so damned drugged out and doped up she couldn't hold her own head up and her eyeballs kept rolling back into her head. He mouth twitching and so damned tweeked it made me sick. She got up to state how bad Danny had changed her life, how he took away her daughter, and how she will NEVER be the same again, how she will NEVER trust another man again and she suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. She failed to mention in that statement that she was craked out, she obviously HAD trusted another man again, because unless she's like the virgin Mary, she just had TWIN babies whom she can't even take care of because she's STILL worthless like she always has been. She was burnt out when Danny fell in love with her and she still is a burn out, she hasn't changed at all. She totally lied on that one. Ugh. Makes me want to puke just looking at her. She now has TWO babies that she is going to raise up into this drug infused life and it's sad. Sad and sick.
My heart just breaks. I can't stop crying for the life of his that's lost. Cole will be 28 when he gets out. He was 4 when Danny went to jail. Danny's whole life will be spent behind bars, unless he gets his miracle. I tell him to pray. We pray every day for Danny. Danny deserves a miracle. Prison, once again we await the suspense of where they will put him. Where will he go? Maximum? Where at? We are now on pins and needles waiting for them to post where he is, where he will be housed for the rest of his sentence.
So Danny called me yesterday right after court got over. In fact I had left the courthouse and was walking through Wal-mart. Here I am a hot mess, I can't stop crying and my heart is breaking for him and he calls me. He wanted to check on me, and check on Amy and make sure we thought his parents were okay. He was worried about US. This is the reason we love him so, he should be the one upset, yet here he is checking on US. I was on a roll complaining how mean Erin's dad was on the stand and he cuts me off saying "Mandy, calm down a minute and stop. You need to take a minute and put yourself in his shoes, he's lost his granddaughter, he's hurting and he's mad. He's looking to place the blame on someone and he directs it towards me, and that's okay, I know the truth and if he looks deep enough in his heart he knows the truth too, which is why he's so angry with me, it's easier to be angry with me than his own daughter" .... so here I stand, in the toothpaste aisle tears streaming down my face, and I just had the breath knocked out of me. This man, who just got handed his sentence to him , 24 years in prison, was calming me down, was concerned for other people and was so calm and selfless. Change of subject and we moved on. This would more than likely be our last chat before he gets moved, so we gotta make it good. Ten minutes goes by so fast when that's all you get for a phone call. I made sure to get in how much we all love and will miss him until we get to speak to him again, I made sure to tell him we would continue to write as usual, just hold on to them until we get a mailing address for him and I made sure to tell him that Cole and I would continue our Biggest Loser Danny Date Nights without him and keep him updated with what happens on the show over the course of the next few weeks. What's really going to suck is explaining to Cole why Danny can't call on Tuesday nights for awhile. He knows it's coming, and he knows yesterday was his sentencing and he knows he got 24 years, I told him everything. I tell Cole the truth about it all. Cole has grown up with Danny in our lives so he knows all about the trial and everything. To him Danny is his "buddy" and he loves to write him letters, color him pictures and show him his homework good grades! Cole will just have a hard time not getting to say hello to him on the phone this coming Tuesday. He enjoys his Tuesday phone calls. It's going to be a sad night I'm sure.
So here we are. The day after. I can't stand to watch TV. Listening to the news makes me sick. Makes me break out in tears all over again. Randy and Diana are such amazing people. I love them both so much and I am grateful for the world series right now, so they can focus and root for their Cardinals and give them something to root for! Something to focus on and take their minds off things for awhile. It will just be much better when we all know where he is going and how far away he will be. Praying for someplace close so they can go and visit their son often. This is just so hard on them.
So this is why I've been so on edge lately, so upset and so hurt. My heart is breaking for the people I love. I just want an easy button for us all so I can make it better for them all.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Psychic, it was way more than it was cracked up to be!
Paulette Lucas the psychic was just amazing. She said some profound statements that made my heart skip a beat more than once. An hour... seems so long, yet went by so very quickly. In a blink of an eye it was all over with, but boy did we all walk away from it feeling like WOW! None of us could believe the things she knew.
She started off reading our Auras Mom had a lot of Blue around her. She stated mom was one to be strong, keep her thoughts to herself and once in awhile just finally let out her emotions and have a break down. This is mom to a T.
She went on to Shawn, he had a lot of green around him and some blue. She said he was a strong guy, who liked to put up walls and hide his emotions, but deep down he did feel things and lots of things bothered him a lot. (Again this is Shawn in a nut shell)
On to Me... she stated that I have LOTS of PINK around me. I am an old soul. She stated that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, but most of all I tend to take on others burdens and see them as my own. (What creeps me out here is this is EXACTLY what I do and I don't know why, or how to stop it, but I tend to over feel things that other people are feeling and going through. I can even go as far as totally exhausting myself with others thoughts and feelings) she picked up on all this and stated that I have 2 spirits that are constantly with me. She said she didn't know if I knew they were there or not, but they've been with me since childhood, they are still here, but I might not feel them as strongly as I had in the past. My mom pipes up "she had two imaginary friends as a child, she would make me give them baths, set the table for them and give them things all the time, and Paulette says "those weren't imaginary friends Nancy, they were real spirits and they are both still with her" creepy! She picked up that I myself am a bit sensitive. I tend to think to myself a lot that I "see" spirits. I also feel presences a lot. She came right out and told me that I was capable of communicating with spirits, I just hadn't tapped into my "gift" yet. The reason I tend to take on others feelings and emotions is I am an empath (sp?) and I haven't figured out how to block others energies from entering into me. This kinda made me feel relieved, because for years I have felt things that others were feeling that I shouldn't be experiencing for myself. It's strange. I can remember one time I was in Burlington shopping with Grandma Jean and I was on my way home and my arm just hurt so badly. Just started KILLING me. When we got home there was a note on the table that they took Shawn to the er to call hospital. We did and he had fell off the roof and broke his arm. Anyways, she said I need to work on my "gift" to hone in on my empathicies. This scares me because I've never really talked to anyone before about any of this and here she picked up on all of it.
She came out and stated that there were two very pestering spirits in the room with us. Both men. One older one newer in spirit. She said she felt that the newer in spirit had just passed within the last year, if even that. (This was Grandpa Trone) and the older spirit was the youngest of the two, but was there to welcome in the newest spirit. (This would be my dad) They both had a lot to say and were coming at her from both sides. I guess Grandpa was standing behind me and by my mom, and Dad focused more over towards me and Shawn, but to have Dad and Grandpa both so close to me made it hard for her to tell who was speaking to her. At one point she stated that my Dad had died from something sudden in his chest. She said she had a heaviness in her chest like she couldn't breathe. She asked if it was a heart attack because that's what it felt like. We told her it was. She kept seeing an empty pill bottle and her mind when to "drugs" because of the pill bottle, she asked if dad did drugs because he felt guild associated to that pill bottle. Like he was guilty about it? I told her the story that he was on BP meds and I had asked him if he needed me to pick up his refill a month before he died and he told me no that Grandma Jean had given him money for it and so I went and got mine and never filled his and after he died I was cleaning out his house and found the empty pill bottle with no refills in sight and I was so upset thinking "if I had only gotten him those pills he'd be alive today" then she looked right at me and said "he wanted to die, he didn't want to leave you, but he was ready to die, he was miserable here" and she was right. A couple weeks before he did die he was out and He and I were watching Harry Potter. We went outside for a smoke break and when we came back in before we started the movie Dad said to me "Sissy, I miss my dad, I'm ready to go be with my dad" I started flipping out on him and told him that he shouldn't say that, if he died Shawn and I would be so sad, we would not be able to handle it and he said "yes you will, you are both awesome kids, you have Bill, Shawn might be a little shit now, but he will be alright I promise you, and I am just ready to see my dad, it's not fair that I have never gotten to get to know him and it's time for me to do that. I'm ready" I was so friggin mad at him that day for saying that and upsetting me, but after he died I was so comforted knowing that he was finally with his dad getting to know him. Paulette knew all this. It was creepy.
Then she looks at Shawn and says, so your dad had a bit of a drinking problem huh? and Shawn said "yeah the last few years," and she looks right at him and says "well so do you and your guardian angel's been working overtime trying to keep you out of trouble, your angel needs a break kid, you need to straighten up and give your angel a little break" Mom and I looked at each other and just smiled, and this was after Shawn looked like he wanted to DIE! Boy she hit the nail on the head with that statement. She did know a few other more personal things about each of us that nobody on earth should ever have known, it was weird that she knew this stuff.
She asked who had lost the babies because my dad was in heaven getting to be a grandfather to a boy and little girl. Well that was me. It's nice to know that my dad is a "grandpa" and that he's taking good care of my babies. I feel so good knowing that they are safe in his arms.
She said that my Grandpa apologized over and over for the way he was not quite a good enough father to his kids growing up. He's sorry he had such a drinking problem. He also regrets all that he missed out on because of it all.
She knew we had an older woman who was with her in spirit that had just passed and she was FULL of cancer, This would be my aunt Katie.
She knew that Dad's mom, Grandma Jean was still alive. She knew that she had been through a lot of death in her life and that there were 8 spirits making their presence known to her that they were there waiting on her to join them someday, they would all be there to welcome her. She pegged Grandma Jean too, she said she was the strongest woman. That is so much the truth. Grandma is amazing. She's lost all her children and she's such a strong person.
Paulette knew shawn had a "talent" related to his hands. She kept making guitar movements with her hands, but could NOT put her finger on what his talent was. She thought it had to do with his job, but was so confused with why his hands were so involved and why there was a bright star behind it. Turns out the talent was his guitar playing and the bright star represents that he has a bright future with his guitar playing and most of all writing music. She told him he needs to let his walls down and put the pen to the paper and get to writing music. She said that will be his claim to fame.
Overall it was such a powerful and peaceful thing. I am so happy that we went and we will more than likely be going back in the spring. I am so happy and more at peace knowing that Everyone is all together and happy on the other side. It really just validates that and puts my mind at ease.
She started off reading our Auras Mom had a lot of Blue around her. She stated mom was one to be strong, keep her thoughts to herself and once in awhile just finally let out her emotions and have a break down. This is mom to a T.
She went on to Shawn, he had a lot of green around him and some blue. She said he was a strong guy, who liked to put up walls and hide his emotions, but deep down he did feel things and lots of things bothered him a lot. (Again this is Shawn in a nut shell)
On to Me... she stated that I have LOTS of PINK around me. I am an old soul. She stated that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, but most of all I tend to take on others burdens and see them as my own. (What creeps me out here is this is EXACTLY what I do and I don't know why, or how to stop it, but I tend to over feel things that other people are feeling and going through. I can even go as far as totally exhausting myself with others thoughts and feelings) she picked up on all this and stated that I have 2 spirits that are constantly with me. She said she didn't know if I knew they were there or not, but they've been with me since childhood, they are still here, but I might not feel them as strongly as I had in the past. My mom pipes up "she had two imaginary friends as a child, she would make me give them baths, set the table for them and give them things all the time, and Paulette says "those weren't imaginary friends Nancy, they were real spirits and they are both still with her" creepy! She picked up that I myself am a bit sensitive. I tend to think to myself a lot that I "see" spirits. I also feel presences a lot. She came right out and told me that I was capable of communicating with spirits, I just hadn't tapped into my "gift" yet. The reason I tend to take on others feelings and emotions is I am an empath (sp?) and I haven't figured out how to block others energies from entering into me. This kinda made me feel relieved, because for years I have felt things that others were feeling that I shouldn't be experiencing for myself. It's strange. I can remember one time I was in Burlington shopping with Grandma Jean and I was on my way home and my arm just hurt so badly. Just started KILLING me. When we got home there was a note on the table that they took Shawn to the er to call hospital. We did and he had fell off the roof and broke his arm. Anyways, she said I need to work on my "gift" to hone in on my empathicies. This scares me because I've never really talked to anyone before about any of this and here she picked up on all of it.
She came out and stated that there were two very pestering spirits in the room with us. Both men. One older one newer in spirit. She said she felt that the newer in spirit had just passed within the last year, if even that. (This was Grandpa Trone) and the older spirit was the youngest of the two, but was there to welcome in the newest spirit. (This would be my dad) They both had a lot to say and were coming at her from both sides. I guess Grandpa was standing behind me and by my mom, and Dad focused more over towards me and Shawn, but to have Dad and Grandpa both so close to me made it hard for her to tell who was speaking to her. At one point she stated that my Dad had died from something sudden in his chest. She said she had a heaviness in her chest like she couldn't breathe. She asked if it was a heart attack because that's what it felt like. We told her it was. She kept seeing an empty pill bottle and her mind when to "drugs" because of the pill bottle, she asked if dad did drugs because he felt guild associated to that pill bottle. Like he was guilty about it? I told her the story that he was on BP meds and I had asked him if he needed me to pick up his refill a month before he died and he told me no that Grandma Jean had given him money for it and so I went and got mine and never filled his and after he died I was cleaning out his house and found the empty pill bottle with no refills in sight and I was so upset thinking "if I had only gotten him those pills he'd be alive today" then she looked right at me and said "he wanted to die, he didn't want to leave you, but he was ready to die, he was miserable here" and she was right. A couple weeks before he did die he was out and He and I were watching Harry Potter. We went outside for a smoke break and when we came back in before we started the movie Dad said to me "Sissy, I miss my dad, I'm ready to go be with my dad" I started flipping out on him and told him that he shouldn't say that, if he died Shawn and I would be so sad, we would not be able to handle it and he said "yes you will, you are both awesome kids, you have Bill, Shawn might be a little shit now, but he will be alright I promise you, and I am just ready to see my dad, it's not fair that I have never gotten to get to know him and it's time for me to do that. I'm ready" I was so friggin mad at him that day for saying that and upsetting me, but after he died I was so comforted knowing that he was finally with his dad getting to know him. Paulette knew all this. It was creepy.
Then she looks at Shawn and says, so your dad had a bit of a drinking problem huh? and Shawn said "yeah the last few years," and she looks right at him and says "well so do you and your guardian angel's been working overtime trying to keep you out of trouble, your angel needs a break kid, you need to straighten up and give your angel a little break" Mom and I looked at each other and just smiled, and this was after Shawn looked like he wanted to DIE! Boy she hit the nail on the head with that statement. She did know a few other more personal things about each of us that nobody on earth should ever have known, it was weird that she knew this stuff.
She asked who had lost the babies because my dad was in heaven getting to be a grandfather to a boy and little girl. Well that was me. It's nice to know that my dad is a "grandpa" and that he's taking good care of my babies. I feel so good knowing that they are safe in his arms.
She said that my Grandpa apologized over and over for the way he was not quite a good enough father to his kids growing up. He's sorry he had such a drinking problem. He also regrets all that he missed out on because of it all.
She knew we had an older woman who was with her in spirit that had just passed and she was FULL of cancer, This would be my aunt Katie.
She knew that Dad's mom, Grandma Jean was still alive. She knew that she had been through a lot of death in her life and that there were 8 spirits making their presence known to her that they were there waiting on her to join them someday, they would all be there to welcome her. She pegged Grandma Jean too, she said she was the strongest woman. That is so much the truth. Grandma is amazing. She's lost all her children and she's such a strong person.
Paulette knew shawn had a "talent" related to his hands. She kept making guitar movements with her hands, but could NOT put her finger on what his talent was. She thought it had to do with his job, but was so confused with why his hands were so involved and why there was a bright star behind it. Turns out the talent was his guitar playing and the bright star represents that he has a bright future with his guitar playing and most of all writing music. She told him he needs to let his walls down and put the pen to the paper and get to writing music. She said that will be his claim to fame.
Overall it was such a powerful and peaceful thing. I am so happy that we went and we will more than likely be going back in the spring. I am so happy and more at peace knowing that Everyone is all together and happy on the other side. It really just validates that and puts my mind at ease.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Super Clean Saturday
What a day... it's not even over yet! I got up this morning and started laundry. It was almost complete after working on it off and on this last week. I had two loads to finish. I got them going. I then grabbed the broom and headed from Coles room and made my way down the hall and into Brody's room, continued down the hall, into our room, down the hall to the bathroom and then got it all scooped up and started back in Coles room with the mop. I mopped all the way to the bathroom, got in the bathroom scrubbed the sink, shower, toilet and then mopped up the bathroom. I then continued down the hall to the laundry room and got that area mopped up. I went to the kitchen and scrubbed out the fridge, wiped down the stove, counters, table and cabinets. I then swept and mopped the kitchen. Next up was the dining room. I dusted the furnature, swept and mopped and headed into the living room. I picked up all Brody's toys and ran the vacuum and dusted in there too. Busy busy busy! I was also moving loads of laundry all around through all this crap too. I loaded the boys up at 11 and headed to town to get grandma.
We needed to go to Missouri to get her smokes and Bill smokes, so we went there, then picked up the two free pizzas that pizza hut owed me because they were a flipping hour and a half late in getting my pizzas done last week. I then stopped by Aldi's to grab eggs, milk and a couple odds and ends that caught my eye. We went to Grandmas and ate a slice of pizza for lunch. Except for Cole, he had 3! He was starved.
I came back home and cut up veggies to make roasted veggies for supper. I also had some yams so I washed them up and wrapped them to bake. I had gotten some butternut squash last weekend at the pumpkin patch, so I halved them and threw them in while the oven was hot. Right now I am outside watching the boys play and cooking out some Ribeyes on the grill. They are smelling pretty yummy! Brody's digging in my ghetto garden buckets and Cole's wizzing around the yard on the three wheeler. He keeps bouncing back and forth from the bean field to the yard. He's having fun!
Tomorrow I have some things I want to do around here and then I should go to Colchester to Aprils and pick up the pool she's giving me to take to the school for the family reading night space ship. I also have some clothes I've gotten the girls at garage sales I could drop off to her and I had gotten Madi a cute spider halloween costume and I can't wait to give it to her! Cute.
Yesterday was Danny's 34th Birthday and he spent it behind bars, once again. It just breaks my heart. I sent him a card and letter and then last night Cole colored him some pictures and wrote him a letter so today I mailed him out a package again. He will enjoy that getting all this mail! He loves letters. His sentencing is coming up and I've been trying to keep him positive and just keep praying that the judge gives him a light sentence. He deserves it.
I have all these apples I need to get used up. I have stuff to make apple crisps so I am going to plan on doing that sometime tomorrow too. That will keep me busy peeling all those apples! My family will appreciate the rewards from it too with all the yummy deserts I'm making. I might do an apple cake too? Who knows?
Well better get off here and get things whipped into shape for supper. The night is fading fast. Speaking of that, wonder when the time changes? I haven't paid much attention to that yet? I bet it's coming soon though? Great. I hate short days. I love long bright evenings.
We needed to go to Missouri to get her smokes and Bill smokes, so we went there, then picked up the two free pizzas that pizza hut owed me because they were a flipping hour and a half late in getting my pizzas done last week. I then stopped by Aldi's to grab eggs, milk and a couple odds and ends that caught my eye. We went to Grandmas and ate a slice of pizza for lunch. Except for Cole, he had 3! He was starved.
I came back home and cut up veggies to make roasted veggies for supper. I also had some yams so I washed them up and wrapped them to bake. I had gotten some butternut squash last weekend at the pumpkin patch, so I halved them and threw them in while the oven was hot. Right now I am outside watching the boys play and cooking out some Ribeyes on the grill. They are smelling pretty yummy! Brody's digging in my ghetto garden buckets and Cole's wizzing around the yard on the three wheeler. He keeps bouncing back and forth from the bean field to the yard. He's having fun!
Tomorrow I have some things I want to do around here and then I should go to Colchester to Aprils and pick up the pool she's giving me to take to the school for the family reading night space ship. I also have some clothes I've gotten the girls at garage sales I could drop off to her and I had gotten Madi a cute spider halloween costume and I can't wait to give it to her! Cute.
Yesterday was Danny's 34th Birthday and he spent it behind bars, once again. It just breaks my heart. I sent him a card and letter and then last night Cole colored him some pictures and wrote him a letter so today I mailed him out a package again. He will enjoy that getting all this mail! He loves letters. His sentencing is coming up and I've been trying to keep him positive and just keep praying that the judge gives him a light sentence. He deserves it.
I have all these apples I need to get used up. I have stuff to make apple crisps so I am going to plan on doing that sometime tomorrow too. That will keep me busy peeling all those apples! My family will appreciate the rewards from it too with all the yummy deserts I'm making. I might do an apple cake too? Who knows?
Well better get off here and get things whipped into shape for supper. The night is fading fast. Speaking of that, wonder when the time changes? I haven't paid much attention to that yet? I bet it's coming soon though? Great. I hate short days. I love long bright evenings.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Crazy, Nuts and all in between!
Wowzers my head seems to be spinning! It's been so crazy lately. It never seems to settle down around here, but this is NUTS. My Dr's apts, meetings for my meetings we are starting, school events, PTO, Mom's having surgery today, Bill's in the fields busy as ever, Cooking, cleaning, preparing for the Vendor Blender at the end of the month, it seems like this madness will NEVER end. I am just going to have to start saying NO. No I can't do things. No I can't take on anymore. My phones calendar is FULL of crap to do daily, until the end of the month. It's crazy. Why is there something every day? Who signed me up for all this crap? Ha ha ha
Mom gets her gallbladder out this morning. Please say a prayer for her fast surgery, and speedy recovery. I can't be there with her as I have a Dr's apt of my own, and no sitter for Brody, so here I sit on pins and needles praying for her. She's with Carla Rodeffer, so she's in good hands!
Tonight I head to Galesburg to a support group meeting. It will more than likely be the last meeting there I get to attend because I am starting up our own group locally. I am headed there to get some suggestions of how to run things locally for us. It has to be tailored to meet the needs of all kinds of surgical weight loss, so I hope we can do that for everyone. Most of all just getting together with other people who are going through all the rapid changes you are, is super important. I think our group will be a super success if we get regulars to attend and have a good crowd. I am excited to see how it turns out. I know the press release went out this week to all the local media, so we will see what the public word of mouth does to increase our population at meetings.
I miss my hunny. He's been working so much lately. I hate this time of year, but love the fact that we know he's rolling in the money as every hour passes, makes it kinda a catch 22. He's so thrilled with his yields so far. He says things are much better than he expected for a few of our farms. This made me smile to see him so happy about all that.
Last night I made up chicken and noodles to take to my mom's and some to grandma Trone for supper and then I am taking some to Beverly because she's keeping the boys for me tonight while I go to the Galesburg meeting and this way, she won't have to cook for them or worry about fixing supper while they are there. Just heat it up and serve. Bill and I tried a bite last night and boy was it yummy! I saved some extra shredded chicken and plan on making like some home made pot pies with it. Something like a creamy chicken casserole with some biscuits or something on top. The boys really enjoy stuff like that and I figure it would be easy enough for mom to eat after surgery. She's not going to feel like cooking for a few days, so I got to take care of her and Dennis.
In a week we go to the Psychic. I am so excited. I can't wait. I hope I hear what I want to hear and nothing bad! I don't want to know anything bad!
Fall colors are starting to POP. Joe's getting senior pics taken on the 14th too, and I think they will be PERFECT! It's so beautiful out there! I think it will just look amazing in the nature and around the farm. He's such a poser too, so it should be a fun shoot for him. Brandi Johnson is going to do them for him and she takes AMAZING photos so they will rock!
I am about to go nuts because there is a random dog barking someplace in the distance outside. Funny thing is we don't have neighbors for miles so I'm not sure where this damn dog is coming from but it won't shut up and has been barking ALL night long. Annoying. It's driving me batty listening to it. It is starting to sound a bit hoarse though, so maybe before long I won't hear it anymore. Who knows where it is, someplace off in the distance, but it just keeps barking and barking and barking.
I love having these crops out and finally being able to see for MILES in all directions again. I love our home and where we sit. We have the perfect view all around us. It's pretty spectacular actually. Just nature as far as the eyes can see.
Well time to get breakfast going and Bill's coffee made. He will be hopping out of bed soon.
Mom gets her gallbladder out this morning. Please say a prayer for her fast surgery, and speedy recovery. I can't be there with her as I have a Dr's apt of my own, and no sitter for Brody, so here I sit on pins and needles praying for her. She's with Carla Rodeffer, so she's in good hands!
Tonight I head to Galesburg to a support group meeting. It will more than likely be the last meeting there I get to attend because I am starting up our own group locally. I am headed there to get some suggestions of how to run things locally for us. It has to be tailored to meet the needs of all kinds of surgical weight loss, so I hope we can do that for everyone. Most of all just getting together with other people who are going through all the rapid changes you are, is super important. I think our group will be a super success if we get regulars to attend and have a good crowd. I am excited to see how it turns out. I know the press release went out this week to all the local media, so we will see what the public word of mouth does to increase our population at meetings.
I miss my hunny. He's been working so much lately. I hate this time of year, but love the fact that we know he's rolling in the money as every hour passes, makes it kinda a catch 22. He's so thrilled with his yields so far. He says things are much better than he expected for a few of our farms. This made me smile to see him so happy about all that.
Last night I made up chicken and noodles to take to my mom's and some to grandma Trone for supper and then I am taking some to Beverly because she's keeping the boys for me tonight while I go to the Galesburg meeting and this way, she won't have to cook for them or worry about fixing supper while they are there. Just heat it up and serve. Bill and I tried a bite last night and boy was it yummy! I saved some extra shredded chicken and plan on making like some home made pot pies with it. Something like a creamy chicken casserole with some biscuits or something on top. The boys really enjoy stuff like that and I figure it would be easy enough for mom to eat after surgery. She's not going to feel like cooking for a few days, so I got to take care of her and Dennis.
In a week we go to the Psychic. I am so excited. I can't wait. I hope I hear what I want to hear and nothing bad! I don't want to know anything bad!
Fall colors are starting to POP. Joe's getting senior pics taken on the 14th too, and I think they will be PERFECT! It's so beautiful out there! I think it will just look amazing in the nature and around the farm. He's such a poser too, so it should be a fun shoot for him. Brandi Johnson is going to do them for him and she takes AMAZING photos so they will rock!
I am about to go nuts because there is a random dog barking someplace in the distance outside. Funny thing is we don't have neighbors for miles so I'm not sure where this damn dog is coming from but it won't shut up and has been barking ALL night long. Annoying. It's driving me batty listening to it. It is starting to sound a bit hoarse though, so maybe before long I won't hear it anymore. Who knows where it is, someplace off in the distance, but it just keeps barking and barking and barking.
I love having these crops out and finally being able to see for MILES in all directions again. I love our home and where we sit. We have the perfect view all around us. It's pretty spectacular actually. Just nature as far as the eyes can see.
Well time to get breakfast going and Bill's coffee made. He will be hopping out of bed soon.
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