I don't usually post much about this, because I am angry, hurt and most people just don't understand. People in this world are so narrow minded and quick to judge and I personally don't like to listen to their shit, so I usually keep my mouth shut, but I need to get some stuff off my chest and I'm posting where I let it all out best. Let me start by saying that I'm not wanting to discuss this. I just want to get it out and that's it. I have things I want to say and need to say and so I'm going to say them. I do not want comments, mean or nice, I just don't care. I just have to vent. End of story.
Danny... oh Danny, where do I begin? Danny and I went to school together. We had a few classes together, shared a few laughs, went to a few of the same parties, had some fun. Life happened. Graduation, lives changed. Danny even dated someone near and dear to our hearts. They broke up, his life took a turn. He grew up on a farm less than a mile from Bill his whole life. They rode the bus together, graduated together. Danny was a worker, hard worker, and very very skilled and crafted with his hands. He could design and make projects and they turned out amazing. He had a gift. He was a hard working solid farm boy. He got caught up in a life nobody ever imagined for him. He got sucked into the world of drugs. I think like most people in our area, Danny had dabbled in a little pot here and there, but when he went through a break up that rocked his world, he turned to something even more harsh, meth. Danny is the first to admit what an awful mistake that was. He met and fell in love with a girl who had a child. He played Daddy to that girl and played the part well. He loved her and he loved her momma. Both Danny and his girlfriend Erin were involved with the drugs. It didn't take long to suck him in deep. Something happened, and we may never know what, but that little girl ended up dying. Dying from injuries sustained somehow and swelling of her brain.
Fast forward a few months, Danny gets arrested for Drug charges and then gets pinned with murder charges. Something about all this just shook me to my core. The Danny I knew, could never harm a child, he just didn't have it in him. He was a big teddy bear. Kids flocked to Danny, because honestly he was just a kid at heart. I felt inclined to write to him. I wanted him to know that Bill and I were in his corner and that he had our support.
This started a chain of letters, packages and phone calls over the last 4 years. Danny said he didn't do this. That's good enough for us. He's a good man, he has an awesome family and he needed our support. Hundreds and hundreds of letters later, we have a special friendship and a bond like no other. Danny is such a dear friend to Bill and I and he holds a special place in our hearts.
Yesterday was Danny's sentencing. He had been found guilty of meth charges years ago and had already spent 4 years in federal prison for the meth charges. His murder trial he was found guilty, but the supreme court threw out that trial and ordered a new trial, which he just completed last month, and found guilty once again by 12 jurors. State presented a main statement throughout the trial, that either Danny, or Erin committed this murder. Nobody could seem to find a mother guilty of killing her own child, so the blame once again fell on Danny. The evidence in the case was all circumstantial. There was not one shred of concrete evidence that pinned Danny to this murder. Those jurors were instructed not to let feelings or sympathies play into their decisions, but somehow 12 people found him guilty once again. He does fit the part. He's a big boy, he has short shaved hair, he looks like he could be mean. He really does fit the murderer part much more than the frail, shaky mother. Erin or Danny, Danny or Erin??? That's what the state presented as their case, that's how the jury convicted him once again.
The judge all but stated that he may not be 100% convinced that Danny is a murder, however as a man of the law, his job was to now sentence him. The judicial system has an order of things and now that he's been found guilty, his job is to do the sentencing. In another words, I believe had Danny just not had a trial by jury, I don't think that judge would have found him guilty at all. I think there was enough reasonable doubt in that judges mind to declare a mistrial and put this off until substantial evidence presented itself and the guilty party could be locked up. That is the chance you take though, when you choose how you want your trial. Judge or Jury? Jury or Judge? You would think, you'd have a better chance with a jury, that's TWELVE people that you are supposed to convince 100% that you are guilty, and somehow those twelve people let their emotions play in I'm sure. Otherwise they couldn't have convicted a man of murder. How can you do that to someone? How can you convict someone BEYOND a shadow of DOUBT, when there are so many shreds of doubt thrown throughout this whole trial? Not one shred of evidence pins Danny to this crime, yet he's now labeled a murder and now sentenced to 24 years in prison. Danny is 34 years old. He will get 4 years time served for the time he's already done, so this means he will get out of prison when he is 54 years old. FIFTY-FOUR.
Erin Yocum, the mother of Silven, she sat there in that court room yesterday and was so damned drugged out and doped up she couldn't hold her own head up and her eyeballs kept rolling back into her head. He mouth twitching and so damned tweeked it made me sick. She got up to state how bad Danny had changed her life, how he took away her daughter, and how she will NEVER be the same again, how she will NEVER trust another man again and she suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. She failed to mention in that statement that she was craked out, she obviously HAD trusted another man again, because unless she's like the virgin Mary, she just had TWIN babies whom she can't even take care of because she's STILL worthless like she always has been. She was burnt out when Danny fell in love with her and she still is a burn out, she hasn't changed at all. She totally lied on that one. Ugh. Makes me want to puke just looking at her. She now has TWO babies that she is going to raise up into this drug infused life and it's sad. Sad and sick.
My heart just breaks. I can't stop crying for the life of his that's lost. Cole will be 28 when he gets out. He was 4 when Danny went to jail. Danny's whole life will be spent behind bars, unless he gets his miracle. I tell him to pray. We pray every day for Danny. Danny deserves a miracle. Prison, once again we await the suspense of where they will put him. Where will he go? Maximum? Where at? We are now on pins and needles waiting for them to post where he is, where he will be housed for the rest of his sentence.
So Danny called me yesterday right after court got over. In fact I had left the courthouse and was walking through Wal-mart. Here I am a hot mess, I can't stop crying and my heart is breaking for him and he calls me. He wanted to check on me, and check on Amy and make sure we thought his parents were okay. He was worried about US. This is the reason we love him so, he should be the one upset, yet here he is checking on US. I was on a roll complaining how mean Erin's dad was on the stand and he cuts me off saying "Mandy, calm down a minute and stop. You need to take a minute and put yourself in his shoes, he's lost his granddaughter, he's hurting and he's mad. He's looking to place the blame on someone and he directs it towards me, and that's okay, I know the truth and if he looks deep enough in his heart he knows the truth too, which is why he's so angry with me, it's easier to be angry with me than his own daughter" .... so here I stand, in the toothpaste aisle tears streaming down my face, and I just had the breath knocked out of me. This man, who just got handed his sentence to him , 24 years in prison, was calming me down, was concerned for other people and was so calm and selfless. Change of subject and we moved on. This would more than likely be our last chat before he gets moved, so we gotta make it good. Ten minutes goes by so fast when that's all you get for a phone call. I made sure to get in how much we all love and will miss him until we get to speak to him again, I made sure to tell him we would continue to write as usual, just hold on to them until we get a mailing address for him and I made sure to tell him that Cole and I would continue our Biggest Loser Danny Date Nights without him and keep him updated with what happens on the show over the course of the next few weeks. What's really going to suck is explaining to Cole why Danny can't call on Tuesday nights for awhile. He knows it's coming, and he knows yesterday was his sentencing and he knows he got 24 years, I told him everything. I tell Cole the truth about it all. Cole has grown up with Danny in our lives so he knows all about the trial and everything. To him Danny is his "buddy" and he loves to write him letters, color him pictures and show him his homework good grades! Cole will just have a hard time not getting to say hello to him on the phone this coming Tuesday. He enjoys his Tuesday phone calls. It's going to be a sad night I'm sure.
So here we are. The day after. I can't stand to watch TV. Listening to the news makes me sick. Makes me break out in tears all over again. Randy and Diana are such amazing people. I love them both so much and I am grateful for the world series right now, so they can focus and root for their Cardinals and give them something to root for! Something to focus on and take their minds off things for awhile. It will just be much better when we all know where he is going and how far away he will be. Praying for someplace close so they can go and visit their son often. This is just so hard on them.
So this is why I've been so on edge lately, so upset and so hurt. My heart is breaking for the people I love. I just want an easy button for us all so I can make it better for them all.
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