Where did Feb go???

I have been spending all my time at home.  I only go to town about once a week to get my laundry done and then stay home the rest of the time.  I am comfortable here and Brody can do his own thing with his toys and play.  It works for us.   I miss people.  I miss having someone to talk to. 

Bill works so long hours.  He comes in at night and is exhausted.  He showers, eats and sleeps.  If he has to get back out he does and then comes home back to bed.  He's so tired.  I have been trying not to bother him with my problems.  He's got so much on his plate right now.  I know he misses us.  He takes Cole with him all the time.  He plays with Brody every night when he gets home.  That doesn't leave any "us" time, but I am okay with that as long as the boys are getting theirs.  I can wait.  I know there will be some me time soon!  I just have to wait my turn!   We do find ourselves laying in bed at night totally exhausted and one of us will say "did I tell you this..." or "hey, this happened."  it's so funny.  Then we drift off to sleep. 

I am still pretty wore out most times.  I am feeling like I am finally eating a bit more than 3-4 bites.  Maybe taking in 4-6 now with the baby spoon.  Some meals more, some less.  I am trying.  Today when I weighed in I was right at the 45 lb lost mark.  ( I had been telling people my weight loss since before surgery, but was told by some people on my surgical group forum that I needed to state my weight loss since surgery.  Before doesn't count!)  so I am at the 45 lb mark.  I am losing at least a pound a day.  When I don't lose a pound a day, the next day I will lose 2 or 3.  It's funny how that works! 

Tomorrow is March already!  Geesh.  Where did Feb go?  I guess I've been lost in a post op fog.  The days have just flew past and the month is over already! 

I am catching up with a lot of shows on my DVR and I have been getting into some Lifetime movies here lately!  I love a good cry!  I think Brody thinks I am nuts when I sit here watching TV sniffling and bawling to a stupid movie!

Tomorrow I am going to spend the day with my mom.  I've missed her.  She worked all weekend long and I haven't seen her since Thursday.  That about kills me.  She calls daily, sometimes two or three times daily, but it's not the same!

Today the therapist came and spent an hour working with Brody.  She's scheduled to come once a week now for the next 6 months to see if we can work with getting him to talking and building his vocabulary.  He's just not a talker, he's more of a screamer and it's sooooo annoying.  Hopefully we can build up his speech or his sign language and he will become a lot less frustrated when things don't go the way he wants.  Lack of communication seems to be a big problem for him.  He gets frustrated so easily.  We meet with Dr Lindsey on March 10th so we will know more about his developmental delays then. 

I also go see my surgeon for my one month post op on March 10th. 

This Thursday night is my support group in Galesburg.  I can't wait to go see everyone and learn some new stuff.

My first semi- productive, busy day!

I feel so accomplished today!  I got up and the boys went to the farm with Bill.  Cole worked and Brody went to Grandma Bevs.  I went and picked up Carla and we headed to Quincy. I had met with one of our contractors yesterday and got a TON of things listed that I could go ahead and buy, so he and Bill can get to work on the house in their free time.  He's already got the new walk in garage door put on and the basement door put up.  It looks so nice!  It's weird seeing a door at the bottom of the basement stairs! 

I am putting up some motion lights on the side of the house and out the back patio.  I found them on sale last night in the Menards ad, they were less than 2 for the price of one so I bought 2 sets.  I also picked out my counter top, but the lady was too busy assisting someone else for 20 minutes to pay me any attention, so I just took the sample, and left.  I will call and pre order it tomorrow.  I also bought the new light fixtures for the kitchen, dining room, and hallways. 

I went to Home Depot and got all the receptacles and light switches for the whole house to be replaced.  I also got all the face plates too!  I checked out the flooring for the bathroom at HD and found about 3 things I would be happy with.  The bathroom is such a tiny area it will be cheap!

I went and checked out the Ashley furniture sale.  They had a 14 piece living room sale.  I got a couch, love seat, coffee table, 2 end tables, 2 lamps, an area rug, a throw blanket, and 5 piece accessory set that consisted of 2 vases, a picture frame, and 2 bowls.  I am excited to mark that off my to do list.  I am also happy about the stuff I picked out.  It's not super expensive and it seems to be decent enough quality to get us by for a few years until we can save and buy something more expensive.  Right now the boys are so young I hate to buy anything too fancy.  Too many accidents.  I got all this stuff for $999.  I didn't think that was too shabby???!!!

I have been soooo nauseous.  If I didn't know better I'd think I was pregnant.  It is such a daunting feeling.  I just feel like I could puke at any second.  I do have some lemon drops that seem to help some, but still, it's gross.  I hope this passes soon.  I am trying to drink and drink Gatorade and keep hydrated.  I hope this goes away.  I was wondering if it had to do with wearing jeans?  I got that way the other night going to the new house meeting with Jamie.  I wonder if It's having such a confining waist?  I have been in sweats here at home every day.

I met a wonderful woman off of my Peoria Weight loss group message board right before my surgery.  Her name is Kristi.  She's such a sweet lady.  She has been super kind to me and such a supportive person.  She had the lap band put in a few days after my surgery.  We're kinda taking this road together.  It makes it kinda nice to have someone to gripe to when I don't feel well!  It's also neat to run food choices off of someone too!

I also have Brenda she had her surgery on the 7th.  Mine was on the 4th.  She is going to go with me to my support group meeting on Thursday.  I will be so happy to have someone to talk to for that hour drive! I wish Macomb still had a support group!  That would be nice.  Closer and more convenient, but maybe Galesburg is the best place cause it's quite a large group.  Last time there were about 15 there.  I'm excited to go back.  I didn't get to go in Feb cause of surgery, but come to find out they cancelled anyhow because of the snowstorm!  Guess I didn't miss anything. 

Bill has been working hard with the cattle.  He is so tired, but it's calving time, so he's been having to get back out each night to check on them.  Sometimes when he gets a night off and his dad checks them, he still gets called to come assist if there's trouble.  You can tell by the bags under his eyes he's about spent.  He needs a nap or two also!  Maybe he needs to slip home and join Brody and I a few days!

I cooked the guys tacos for supper.  Coles been wanting them soooo bad!  I made myself a taco for supper.  I put a little lettuce, cheese, meat and a dollop of fat free sour cream on there.  I also had some red cactus salsa, which is super sweet, not spicy and it was soooo yummy!  I was only able to get down 4 bites, but they were amazing!  Cole had to finish my taco for me.  He ate 2 all on his own and then finished mine!  He loves taco night.  So does Bill.  I made Brody some lettuce and put meat, cheese , sour cream and salsa on it and he ate the entire plate full and the tortilla off the end of my taco!  I ripped the extra tortilla off of mine and dug right into the good part.  I figure if I am only going to get a few bites, I wanted them to be the good stuff!  Brody enjoyed supper so much.  He didn't waste any that's for sure!

Cole is a lucky little turd.  Daddy bought him a new pair of insulated rubber work boots today!  He came home and was so proud.  He says to me "did you poop your pants mom?" and I said "ummm no, why?" and he says  "daddy said you would poop your pants when you saw my new boots, they were expensive mom!"  and I burst out laughing.  As soon as Bill walked in the door Cole says to him "she didn't poop her pants dad!" ha ha ha.  Bill started laughing!  He looks so darned cute in them boots.  They come up almost to his knees.  It's the cutest thing.  They are mini replicas of Bill's boots.  They are Twinkies. 

I better get some sleep.  I am so wore out from today, but so excited that I got stuff bought and we can get started on a few things until the plaster contractors get here.  The more we do now, the less we have to worry about later before we move in!

THREE WEEKS?

I can't believe it's been THREE WEEKS already!  I really have had quite the journey so far.  Lots of ups and downs.  The weight is coming down for sure, the heartburn was a total downer that I let control me for waaaayyyy tooooo loooonnngg!  I am so happy I found some medicine that will finally control it. 

I can pretty much eat anything soft that I want as long as I puree it.  If I'm out and about as long as I chew chew chew I can eat that too!   I want to go to the store to get noodles today and make some chicken and noodles with the leftover baked chicken boobies I cooked the other night.  Just a small batch, but some anyhow! Not having heartburn anymore makes me able to finally eat.  The more I eat the more energy I have.  It's a wonderful thing.   I'm also trying to start my vitamins.  I at least want to get in my multivitamin in 3 times a day.  That's a major goal.  The others will fall into place as they may.  Taking them will be much easier once I get to swallow them whole again. 

I found some Atkins protein bars that I can stand.  It really makes me feel good getting that protein in.  I know I need it to heal up my insides too.  Getting in 70-90g of protein a day is extremely hard when you only eat such small amounts.  Between meals I have been snacking on those bars and it has made me have more energy.  The protein drinks gave me such horrible heartburn that I just couldn't stand to drink them anymore.  I haven't tried since getting on the new medicine, but I am so burnt out on them making me hurt it almost makes me sick to think of them! 

21 days since surgery.  It just amazes me how much your life can change in 21 days if you allow it!  I am so thankful for all the supportive family and friends that surround me and keep me in perspective when I've had my doubts.  Oh yes, I've had them.  This has been such a yo yo roller coaster.  I have good days when I feel good and know deep in my heart that this is the BEST thing I could have ever done for myself and my family, then I have those days where I spent in so much pain and so dogged tired, but they were there to pick me up and remind me why I had done this.  When I've been down on my last leg bawling my eyes out in misery, they've been there to tell me it will get better.  So much support.  I never imagined having all the support that I've gotten.   

When I made the decision to go through with this, never in a million years did I imagine all the people who would follow me through with this journey.  I never imagined so many people would care?  I expected total negativity out of a majority of people, boy was I WRONG.  (you better write this one down for the books, I never admit I am wrong, just ask my husband!!!)  I can't tell you how much I appreciate the messages, texts, phone calls, questions, concern, love and support from people I least expected it from, and from my friends and family.  You really find out who your friends are when you go through a life changing event like this, and I've sure found out I have a few "extra" friends that I never thought cared!

  I love you all and want you to know that I APPRECIATE you and all your thoughts and comments.   Each kind word of support has really came at a good time in my life when I've needed it the most.  Just when I start to get down on myself I get a message, or call or comment from someone and it boosts me up and makes my day look a little bit brighter! 

FINALLY!

Oh what a difference a day makes!  I spent another night in pain and decided I was going to do something about it today if it killed me.  SOMEBODY was going to listen to me and get me something to help me.  So I woke up, Bill loaded laundry in the van, and I headed to Grandma Trones.  I began by bawling my eyes out to mom and Gma about how miserable I was.  Okay, once the pitty party was over I decided to call Shawna and see what she thought was going on.  She and I both came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe I am lactose intolerant.  This is one MAJOR side effect of this surgery, however, I am running on lack of brain cells at the moment.  I have sleep deprivation, total exhaustion, and fuzzy surgery brain, or fuzzy malnourished brain?  I can't decide which.  I never put two and two together, but here's what my diet has consisted of... Protein shakes (with milk), cottage cheese, pudding, yogurt.  Ummm yep, looks like it's all dairy!  Oops.   So new change number uno is to eliminate my dairy.  Check.

Change number two was to call Jeff and see about changing my medications for blood pressure down to one or two medicines.  Soooo I called and got right in to see him.  Grandma kept Brody and I headed to Bowen.  He decided that the lactose idea was fantastic, stay away from the dairy and see how I do.  He also checked my bp which was 143/86 which for me on NO MEDS is LOW!  He told me to continue to take one of my meds, added another and then discontinued all my other meds.  Now I am down to 2 pills a day instead of 5 in the morning and 3 at night.  This will help me out soooo much.  He also prescribed me some solu-tabs for heartburn that are working wonderfully!  I am shocked at how well they work.  For the price they BETTER work, but I am truly amazed that they work this well.  I took one and within 10 minutes my burning pain was gone and it's been gone all day!  YES!

I am soooo sleepy!  Lack of vitamins, and nutrition does that to ya.  I tried to nap today a couple hours, and did some.  Brody was being a stinker so it made it kinda hard to deep sleep like I wanted to. 

I am really really missing the "crunch" of food.  I miss hearing that sound in my head when I eat something crisp.  I really want to go grab a carrot and just chow down!  I want to hear that crisp, crunch in my head.  All this soft foods has me craving some noise in my mouth.  I don't miss food.  I don't miss anything but that noise.  It's the strangest thing for me to say that.  I miss the sounds of food in my head.  I'd kill for some salad to crunch on.  A couple more weeks and I can have that! 

I have baked some chicken boobs for supper.  I am also making baked sweet taters (Cole's request) and green beans.  I plan on trying to actually eat tonight.  I haven't even tried for days cause I have been soooo sick from the heartburn.  What's the point if I'm going to throw it up anyhow?  Tonight I shall fill my belly with some protein!  I hope tomorrow I have some added energy from it!

Mom's coming out tomorrow.  Hopefully we can get a few things done around here.  I just need a little help.  I love my family for all their love, support and help they have given me.  Words just can't express how much I truly appreciate all the help I've been given.  I am so blessed. 

The Sun will come out tomorrow... I hope?

I am just miserable.  Been miserable since yesterday evening.  I have the worst heartburn.  It's awful with meds, awful without meds.  I can't keep any food down.  I keep puking all my food up.  I called the Dr. finally this afternoon because I am worried about dehydration.  I worry that I will get to the point they won't be able to get an IV in me.  Dr. Marshall's office switched my heartburn meds, and told me to back my diet back down to full liquids again.  NO SOLIDS.  NO PUREED.  Ugh.  He thinks that my pouch is so swollen and tender and aggravated by this heartburn.  He also thinks I need to switch to another heartburn pill for daily use.  Ugh.  I am sooooo sick of hurting all the time.  I never had any heartburn before this surgery, but all these crushed meds are really screwing me up.  I can't wait till end of March when I can actually start swallowing my whole pills again. 

I hate to puke.  It's so gross.  I hope that this backing down the diet a few days helps. 

It's so funny that my insides are still tore up.  My outsides are healed up and look good.  I wish I could see my insides and know what they look like.  I know things in there are still sore.  I feel it when I lift anything, I feel it when I bend over.  I can feel this burning pain sometimes when I move wrong.  It's a burning pulling pain.  I can't wait till I am all healed up and can finally move on to normal.  I just want to be able to see myself a year from now!  I can't wait it's almost as bad as Christmas!!! 

Yesterday was the Pinewood Derby for Cole's boy scout pack.  His car did GREAT!  He made it to the semi finals and placed 2nd in his heat.  If he was in the other heat I am pretty sure he'd have made it to the finals.  The car that beat him, won the entire derby!  It was a fast little booger!  Cole was so excited that his car did good.  He was wanting to jump for joy a few times, but you could see he was holding it all in so much!  All the other boys were pretty reserved and not too excited, so he tried not to get excited.  We did enough for him!  We were cheering and clapping for him!!  He just stood there smiling a mile wide grin!  I have pics I need to upload when I feel better. 

Still totally exhausted.  I wake up tired!  I can't wait to get my perky old self back! 

Okay enough of this Debbie Downer post.  Sorry I feel so rotten today, I am just a Negative.  Tomorrow is another day.

I finished my 50

Walmart was a bit too much for me at this point.  I wasn't in any pain or anything, and it did feel good to walk, but boy did it wipe me out.  I had to go back to Mom's and nap for a few hours before I could even think of driving home and putting away groceries. 

Jeremy, Cassie and the girls came out to see our new house.  They came over for a wonderful supper of frozen pizzas and a salad!  I was pooped, so I wasn't cooking, and we were all too lazy to drive to town to get pizza from Casey's so we just had frozen.  I ate the toppings, and scraped off the sauce.  I couldn't even finish 1/2 of  a 1/2 a slice.  Brody and Ally helped me finish it!  I couldn't eat any salad yet.  It's not part of my diet yet.  I am allowed meats and cheese though, high protein, so I ate toppings and got full. 

I am on average losing a pound a day.  Today when I weighed in I had lost 2 lbs yesterday.  That was a nice treat.  I am pleased with my progress so far.  I am really starting to notice in my face that I am losing weight.  It's getting more defined with my cheek bones.  Who knows what I will look like when I finally start to level out get to goal.  I bet I will look really really funny.  Nobody remembers me thinner.  It's going to be shocking.   Cole is ready to take some pictures of me again, so I will be posting new ones again soon I'm sure...

Well I better work on finishing up the 50 random things about me.  Here's where I left off...

26. I love the smell of Play Doh. 

27. I like to listen to it rain. 

28. It doesn't bother me to get my blood taken.  I am a hard stick and usually take more than one try to get blood out of me, but I don't mind. 

29. I am the WORST person to start and IV on.  I have horrible valves and nobody ever gets it on the first few tries.  It usually takes 5-10 sticks to get one IV started on me.   Hospital staff hate me. 

30. I love to cook.  I don't like to follow recipes though.  I like to just throw stuff together and see what I come up with.  9 times out of 10 my family LOVES it and when I go to make it again, it's never the same!

31. I love playing board games.  Yahtzee, Monopoly, Pictionary, Apples to Apples, Cards, Clue, Trivial Pursuit, anything fun!

32. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Asparagus.  I love SPINACH too, as long as I can splash a little vinegar on it!

33. Fresh food from the garden is YUMMY.  I love picking garden food and making meals out of it!  (I don't have much of a green thumb, but I enjoy helping others)

34. I love pictures.  I have them covering my fridge, and every open space available in my house.  I just LOVE looking at them. 

35. I hate to sweep and mop, but love to vacuum. 

36. I believe in spirits.  I believe in Heaven and Hell, but I sometimes think people don't go there right away and get stuck here.  I think they lost their way.  Sometimes I think they are holding on to something or are too scared to pass.  This fascinates me. 

37. I reward my kids for good behavior.  I believe in positive enforcement.  The better they are the better they get treated by me.  I also like to play on their emotions and make them feel super guilty for being bad.  I think this teaches them compassion and obedience.  Cole is the best behaved, most well mannered, and loving little boy.  He has been raised this way by me for 7 years now,and he's so compassionate.  I love it.  He will make a good husband some day.  Feelings matter to him.  He has a soft spot for the under dogs in his class too.  He will never be a bully, because I won't allow it. 

38. I never wanted my kids to go anyplace but Carthage school, but now that they go to Southeastern, I wouldn't have it any other way.  We LOVE our school and Cole's classmates and families. We would have not bought this new house had it been in Carthage school district.  We wanted to keep him where he was.

39. My kids happiness is the most important thing in the world to me.  If you mess with my kids you have to answer to me, and it isn't pretty.  I am a mean momma bear, my cubs are my world.

40. I usually start all conversations on the phone with Bill like this... "Hey love..."  and when I want something from him I usually call him babe.  Yep, those are my pet names for him.  Love, and Babe!

41. I sleep with a fan.  It has to blow on me.  I have to have it or I don't sleep. 

42. I drink a LOT of iced tea. 

43. Reality Tv ROCKS. 

44. I sing a lot.  Music is a daily staple in our lives.  I listen to it all the time.  My kids both love music and thankfully so does Bill. 

45. I have a phobia of driving next to semis.  I am afraid they will blow over on top of me and crush me.  It's awful.  I get all sorts of anxiety when I pass them!

46. I am on my 6th vehicle since I turned 16. 

47. I love to oil paint, but never do it.  The last time I touched a brush was high school.  Bob Ross amazes me.  I could watch him for HOURS.

48. I enjoy hearing about family tales.  The history of my family amazes me.  I love talking to my grandparents and listening to their stories of the good old days!

49. I love having fake nails on, but don't have the time to maintain them. 

50. I'm a sucker for Internet quizzes and surveys... Looks like I just completed this one.  Hope you enjoyed my 50 random facts...


Whew.  I am glad I got that done!  That was LONG.  It was getting harder to think of things about me.  I'm not that interesting of a person!

Fun night out!

I survived yesterdays challenges with flying colors!  I managed to sneak in a cat nap with Brody in the afternoon before Cole got home.  I also managed to get the bill's paid for the week and checkbook balanced.  That was fantastic!  I'm glad to be all caught up. 

Los Charros... well I DID IT!!!!  I ordered basically shredded chicken in a tortilla shell with cheese and there were some onions and peppers cut up in there too.  I cut the end off, about 1/4 of it, and just cut and cut it all up really fine.  I had 4 or 5 bites and was full.  It felt soooo good to be able to go out and be normal.  The best part of it all is I didn't get sick from it and I was still able to go out to the Peacock and sing!  I can't believe that I was actually able to sing as well as I did, but I do think the singing was wonderful exercises for my lungs after all that anesthesia. 

I weighed in today again and lost another pound.  I am shedding about a pound a day right now.  Keep this up and I will wind up invisible before long!  (JOKING) 

It was good to get out and see people that I haven't gotten to see in ages.  I also actually got paid for going out last night!  I took $25 out of the bank for washing my van, eating supper and my drinks.  I ended up winning $25 at the Peacock for the nightly contest!  After I washed my van, had supper, and drinks, I ended up coming home with $38 wooo hooo!  It pays to go have fun !!!!

Today Brody and I are going shopping with my mom.  I need some diapers and wipes and a few grocery things.  Cole and Bill are off farming so looks like Brody and I are all alone today.  Makes me sad my baby doesn't wanna stay home with his mommy anymore.  What makes me sadder yet, is that if Brody had his way, he'd be right there along with Bill and Cole out the door in the mornings!

Two Weeks Post Op!!!

Today is my two week mark!  I am feeling pretty good.  Tonight I get to go out with friends for Kyra's graduation party.  I am super excited to finally get out of this house for a few hours.  I am so sick of being stuck here.  I am also sick of just doing nothing.  Not that I will be doing anything different tonight, but at least I won't be HOME.  All I wanted 2 weeks ago was to get back here, but after spending 2 weeks here I need OUT!

I am just a tad bit nervous about supper tonight at the Mexican.  I know I can get something grilled like fajitas and eat that, but this will be the first time I haven't really "planned" for a dinner out.  I also hate the dining out because of people staring at you.  The other thing is the fact that I can't drink or drink with my meals and people tend to look at ya a little funny about that.  Ugh.  It will be an experience, so wish me luck!

I keep getting requests from Blogger friends to do this 50 random things about me survey.  I will start it today, if I can't finish it I will tomorrow.  Here it goes...
1. I have RED hair.  I used to hate it, but now love RED and like being one of the few unique red heads on the planet.  I am a ginger kid.  Get over it!

2. I have a brother.  He is the wild child in the family.  I tend to stick up for him no matter what, so don't bother telling me any different.  We are just "like" that.  No matter what in this world I know he's got my back, and I will always have his. 

3. Family is important to me.  I'm not talking about any tom, dick or harry in my "family" I am talking about the ones that truly matter.  The ones that treat you like family ALWAYS no matter what.  That is what family is to me.  You don't have to be blood to be my family, and some people that are my blood are NOT considered my family.   I <3 My family!  They come first to me. 

4. My husband is and always has been my best friend.  We've been pretty tight for the last 14 years now.  He's my number one supporter, and I am his.  Something with us just "clicked" from the beginning and nobody will ever take that from us.  We've been through so much together it just keeps getting better.

5. I drive a mini van.  Truth about it is I love my van.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I had to BEG BEG BEG my hunny for that van, and now I think he actually enjoys taking it places too! Shhh don't tell him I told ya that!  He doesn't want anyone to know!  bahahah

6. My boys... well I always said I'd have 3 kids.  2 boys and a girl.  Whelp, I got my boys and  unless Anna talks my husband into adopting an Asian baby, I will NEVER have that girl.  I got fixed.  We are DONE making babies, but we can still have a lot of fun practicing making babies ;-)

7. I hate things out of place.  I have an obsessive compulsive trait in me and it takes all that I have in me to have things be out of order.  I think I've passed that along to Cole someplace along the way and I feel really bad for that.  Over the many many year and 2 BOYS later I have kind of had to back off on that trait, because otherwise I stress myself out too much cleaning and organizing all the time.  This is very hard for me, but I let things go now.  It feels good sometimes! 

8. I hate when people don't put the toilet paper on the roll holder.  I actually just wanna slap the shit out of them when they leave it sitting there on the counter.  Come on... really are you THAT flipping lazy?  My husband is the NUMBER ONE offender here and I could slap him daily for it!  bahahaha

9. Don't flush the toilet until you are completely DONE peeing.  Ugh... seriously?  DO you scrub the toilets?  BOYS... what is with you people?  Who taught you it was okay to flush mid pee because you are too lazy to hit the flusher on the way out?  And dribbling on the toilet?  I seriously have thought about issuing a "you drip it you lick it" policy here.  Wonder how that would go over?  Guess that's another downer for all these boys in my house!  At least they all put the seat down. 

10. I love crunchy foods.  I don't think I have ever really thought about it till now, but being on this soft and liquid diets has really really made me realize how much I miss the crunchy noises in my head when I eat.  I can't wait to have a salad and hear that crunch!

11. I love my "settles" tea.  Nobody can make a pitcher of tea like mine.  Nobodies tea is good enough for me unless it's mine.  Not even my mothers.  Weird, I know.

12.  I love ice.  I can't stand to drink things without ice in them.  If I don't have ice, I usually won't drink.  I don't eat the ice, I just like it in my glass keeping my drink ICE COLD.

13.  My nickname in school was Manny.  I still have 3 people in this world who call me Manny, Jennifer & Andrea  and Kat.  They will more than likely call me this till the day I die.  Kat usually calls me Mannybeth cause my middle name is Elizabeth. 

14. My Full name is Amanda Elizabeth.  If anyone calls me Amanda I usually ignore them.  Not on purpose, but because I have never been called Amanda, even by my parents.  When I got in trouble growing up it was always "Mandy Elizabeth" ah ha ha  this is why when we named our kids we named them something simple. 

15.  I like to speed when I drive.  70 is my speed of choice.  I am just comfortable there.  It kills me to drive 55.

16.  I hate socks.

17. I LOVE flip flops and sandals

18. My feet are nasty and ugly.  They are horribly dry and cracked all year round.  I get many many pedicures, they only last sooo long and then back to horrible again!

19. I have a rock collection.  I didn't start it, Cole did.  He brings me pretty rocks all the time.  Some of them have super sweet memories to me.  I could never part with my rocks.

20. I save a lot of stuff from my kids.  Homework papers, mementos, etc.  Things I love that my mom saved from me, but I don't think she saved enough.  I save.  I have a rubber tote for each of the boys and throw it all in there.  One day they will LOVE me for doing that and looking back on it.  I still have the first coloring book page cole ever colored at church when he was 2.  Sweet!

21. I think I annoy my husband daily because when I get bored I call him.  Sometimes he will talk to me, sometimes not.  He does the same to me, but it's not like I am working, so I feel kinda bad doing it to him, but sometimes I just wanna hear his voice.  I know it's sad.  Sick to some maybe, but I do it... everyday. 

22. I don't think I could NOT have a DVR.  I live off of mine.  Without it I could quite possibly die and I just don't wanna take the chance.

23. Smells bother me.  I can't stand stinky people.  I can't stand certain smells.  I almost gag when I smell something rotten.  Yuck.

24.  Chomping food and smacking lips is my NUMBER ONE pet peeve in this world.  I seriously want to SMACK people silly when they can't chew with their mouths closed.  They sound like they were raised in a sow lot and it's repulsive.  I can't believe the manners of some people. Chomp chomp chomp, smack smack smack.  It makes me sick.  Makes me angry too.  How flipping hard is it to chew with your mouth closed???  Really come on?  It's like nails down the chalkboard kind of annoyance to me.  GROSS.

25. If I have used a sponge once to wash dishes, I WILL NOT use it again to clean dishes.  I will wet it, put it in the microwave and heat it up to kill the germs and clean the stove and counters with it, but I will not clean my dishes with it.  I know that's not very "green" of me, but I figure if I won't use the same bath rag twice, why should I wash dishes with the same sponge twice?  I also won't wash dishes without a cap full of bleach in every sink load.  It may be a germ a phobia thing, but I just won't do it.  I could quite possibly spend hundreds  a year on sponges, but I don't care. 

Okay... this is it for me today.  I will finish my other 25 tomorrow.  Time to go balance the checkbook and get ready for tonight!  Wooo hoooo!!!!

Post op day 12 & 13

Yesterday was my post op day 12.  Grandma Trone came out to "sit" with us.  We watched TV.  Made lunch and just chilled out all day.  It's funny, but nobody that hasn't been through this can not possibly understand the weakness and fatigue you feel.  I am just bursting with energy when I wake up, but within an hour or two I am EXHAUSTED and ready for a nap!  It's physically and totally emotionally draining. 

Nothing can prepare you for the fullness and yet empty feeling you feel all at the same time.  I eat, not much but very little, feel soooo full, yet deep inside my brain I feel empty that I couldn't even finish the few ounces that were on my plate.  Two medicine cups, two shot glasses, whatever it takes to get you to understand this is the amount of food I am consuming 3 times a day.  Depending on what I decide to eat, sometimes 2 medicine cups are too much!  It's strange to go from eating a plate of food, to 3-4 baby spoon fulls and be STUFFED!  It's weird for me to wrap my brain around that, but it's happening and I am living through it and I am surviving.  I am alive... I wonder how I ever lived all these years eating all that I did?  How did it get that far?  How do our portion sizes change over time?  Eyeballing my meals lead me to bring in my food, sit and eat and have sooooo much leftover on my plate.  It almost makes me sick now.  I HAVE to measure out each serving.  I know I won't waste as much food that way.   2 ounces isn't as much as you think it is, and eyeballing it sure didn't cut it because I put way more on there than I should have.  I put 4-6 ounces on there!  I can't believe how full I feel after those 2 ounces too.  That's amazing in itself.  Guess that's the magic of the surgery working there.  My stomach and bowels are still swollen and will be for a few more weeks.  Right now things have to be totally chewed up and small small bites consumed so that it all goes down into my pouch well and there are no blockages.  Chewing each bite for minutes and minutes sure does teach a person patience. 

Today was my post op day 13.  It's hard to believe that it's almost been 2 weeks since surgery!  I am so proud of myself and the success I've achieved already.  I went to the Dr today for my checkup.  I have lost a total of 35 lbs.  off of their scales.  (I had that I had lost 40 here at home, but I also didn't weigh myself here at home before surgery... don't ask me why, I just never did, sooo I don't have an accurate pre surgery weight from here at home, I was just going by my scales and the amount of weight loss at home)  so the medically correct amount so far is 35 lbs.  since January 27th appointment.  That's 35 lbs in 3 weeks.   I go back to the Dr on March 10 for my one month post op appointment.  I am super excited to see how much more I can accomplish till then!  It literally just keeps melting off of me. 

After my Dr's appointment the guys were starved.  We wanted to go someplace where I would have a choice of something to eat, so we went to Avanti's.  Bill had the crispy chicken sandwich and fries and I ordered a "side dish" of seafood pasta.  I am on the pureed so I figured if I stayed away from the tomato sauces, they can hurt to eat for a few months, then I'd be okay.  I figured I'd share my pasta with Brody.  It came out in this tiny little bowl and the server kept asking us, "are you sure you don't want something else" and giving me the one over... here I am a BIG gal ordering only a SMALL helping of food to SHARE with this crazy kid!  I could tell he was a bit baffled by it all, but I ate my fare share and Brody ate and ate and ate his fare share, and even helped himself to Bill's fries.  We ended up having soooo much pasta left it didn't look like we had touched it.  The waiter comes back out and brings us the check and says "would you like a to go container?" and was so puzzled looking.  I almost died laughing.  I knew he just thought there was NO WAY I would get full off of that little tiny serving of pasta, but I sure did.  I loved the crab and shrimp!  I ate a lot of that, just picked it out, and very few noodles.  It had the white clam sauce on it all and it was super yummy for a change.  I was so happy to be able to go out to eat with my family and ENJOY a meal.  I also got tickled at the waiter being so shocked at the small amount Brody and I ate together!  Bill said the best part of it all was the bill... $10.02   We all ate and got STUFFED for $10.02!!!!!  ha ha haha  I am such a cheap date now!! 

We left Peoria and headed back this way.  Bill wanted to stop at Farm King for a few things.  We walked around there shopping for almost 30 minutes.  He loaded Brody in the van and I unloaded the 3 sacks we bought into the back.  I got in the van and Bill says to me "honey you look totally exhausted " and you know what... I WAS!!!!  We came home and I am just chilling out.  I could take a nap, if Brody would ever settle down and take one, but if not, I will sleep well tonight! 

I'm already sleeping better than I have in YEARS.  It's a miracle.  Bill says I don't snore or make a sound sleeping now, so I am constantly waking up to him with his hands on me checking to see if I'm breathing.  Geesh!  I must have really sawed the logs before?  ha ha ha!

I can't believe that tomorrow will be 2 weeks since surgery.  I am feeling so good right now.  If I wouldn't have all these restrictions and weight limits I would never know I even had this done, minus the fact that I can't eat much anymore!  This is the best thing I have ever done and I am so grateful that I did it and went through with it.  All those regrets from the first couple days and doubting my decisions are GONE and I think I can safely say that was the fatigue and pain talking back then!  Onward I march into my 3rd week post op... what a ride it's been so far!

Post op day 11

Grandma Jean came to stay with me today.  We went over and saw the new house.  She loves it!  Brody started running a fever and had been fussy for 2 days.  I finally broke down and decided to take him to the Dr.  He has to be on an antibiotic and a nose spray.  He laughed when I sprayed the nose spray up there, I thought he'd scream, but he was laughing at it!  Thank goodness. 

Grandma Cooked liver and onions for Bill.  He wanted some.  I don't cook it.  Bill has grandma jean do it or his mom.  She fried up the liver, and made them taters and liver gravy.  (GROSS) he loved it so did the boys.  I guess I'm outnumbered!

My incisions are looking great.  All the strips are finally off.  None of them are red or infected at all.  They have healed up nicely.  A couple of them you almost can't tell they were there anymore!  A couple of them if I move or turn the wrong way they burn so bad.  It feels like they sewed me up too tight inside and I'm pulling or stretching something.  Those are from my bigger incisions. 

I drove for the first time today!  I drove us to the Dr.  Grandma was right there, and I did good!  I was even able to wear my seat belt! 

It was a great day!  I was exhausted... I am so grateful for all my family and Bill's family helping us out.  We appreciate it so much.

Day 10

The day was pretty un eventful!  That is great news!  I spent the day in at Grandma Trones again.  It was valentines day.  She made beef and noodles and mashed taters for lunch so I had some taters with broth and a couple noodles on top.  Pretty good. 

Bill wanted a steak for supper, so mom grilled one in a skillet and we baked some taters and green beans.  I ate a few green beans and mashed up a quarter of a tater and put some cottage cheese on it and it was super yummy!!!  I told Bill the other night a baked tater actually sounds "good".  Most food is just not appealing right now, and literally I don't get hungry, my belly just aches.  The hunger pangs just aren't there right now because they took away that hormone when they did the surgery.  It won't come back for a year or so?  The only signals I have now to eat are from empty tummy growling and rolling.  I know then when I feel that "pain"  I need to fill my belly.  It won't be pain here after I heal up.  I'm not sure what it will feel like then? 

Lovanox shots twice a day are really making my tummy look bad.  I have bruises and pinholes in my tummy everywhere.  Bill, bless his heart gives me the shots.  There's something about poking myself with a needle that creeps me out!  I refuse to do it.  Brody sure has taken an interest in the shots though.  He knows when Bill goes to get them, and he comes over and stares at me wiping down my belly with alcohol and then he intently stares at Bill poking me!  It's funny!  He raises his little eyebrows and it's sooo cute!  It doesn't hurt at all so I don't even flinch, so I hope through this all these boys become better at getting shots!  ha ha .... I can only dream!

Ohhh here you go... I finally posted pics.  I will put up the first two.  The first one is Day before surgery, second is yesterday down 32 lbs.  

I'm looking a little deflated!  That's the most you can tell right now.  Plus I can't wear jeans yet.  I might try on Thursday when we go back to the Dr.  We'll see?  Gauchos and sweats really make a person look frumpy, but hey, they are comfy on my tummy right now so I don't care!

Post op Day 9

Day nine was a good day.  We woke up, showed the house and then I went with Bill to the farm.  I ate lunch with them and hung out at Bev's all afternoon long.  Cole watched Scooby Doo, I napped, and Brody napped too.  It was a peaceful relaxing day! 

I noticed that lately I have been making my supper and just eating it out of a bowl instead of my medicine cups, this is okay, however I eat, then 20 minutes after supper I am over stuffed.  Almost to the miserable point.  It seems like I must be eating more than I think?  So I am going back to the cups again.  This way I can see how much I have leftover.  At night I get so wrapped up feeding Brody, and not paying attention to how much I am consuming.  I am going to limit my intake.  I ate about 4 bites of sweet taters last night and I think it was too much.  It must have expanded in my belly!  This morning I woke up and measured out my golden grahams into the medicine cup and then poured it in a bowl and added milk.  When I finished what I had poured I was FULL.  I can always go get more.  I just need to not blindly heat up supper using my eyeballs to measure only.  This is what got me in trouble in the past.  I need to use my cups and measure out accurately.  It's so hard heating up one ounce of food though! 

I need to start working on vitamins and getting in my shakes.  It's all sooooo much harder to get in than anyone could imagine.  My belly is only soooo big and trying to eat 3 meals a day, drink 60-90oz. fluid and take medications, along with vitamins.  My poor guts are just bursting all day long!

Post op day 8

My field trip to Grandmas was successful!  By the time I had Brody packed for the day at Bevs and myself packed for the day in town, made a pit stop at Circle K to grab some drinks for the day, I was POOPED!  When I got out of Bevs vehicle I said "I am ready for a nap"  I went in said hello to Grandma and laid down for 2 and a half hours!  I was just exhausted from actually doing "something" for the day! 

When I woke up it was time for lunch.  My belly was starved.  I ate some soupy mashed taters and my mom and Aunt Barb were there, so we had a nice visit. 

Today I did a lot of talking this afternoon with Grandma.  We talked through some things about all the changes that are going to be taking place.  Things are going to change.  Things have already started to change.  It's all going to happen so fast and I just want to be sure to not miss a moment of any of this journey.  I am so happy I blog.  I want to be able to look back through all this and remember all the thoughts and emotions that ran through me on this daily journey to health and happiness.  

Not only are these changes going to happen to me, but Bill and my boys are here with me daily and they are going to have a lot to go through too.  I love my husband so much.  He's the most supportive through this all.  He was happy with me the way I was, doesn't care if I ever change, but now that I am he's starting to have a mini freak about the changes.  He's not big into changes.  Never has been.  We tend to live in a little "Frakes bubble" we work well as a family, have a great little team, and any changes that throw a wrench into our great dynamic kinda freaks him out until he knows the outcome.  Things are kinda getting back to normal with me feeling better, and not in so much pain.  He's getting happier by the day with my progress.  He worries soooo much about me.  He almost makes himself sick taking care of me and everything else around here.  I hate not feeling well, or being able to help him.  I am so grateful to him for all his support, love and kindness to me when I was at my worst and when I am at my best.  I guess that's the reason I married him... he's a good guy!  He's the best!  He and I were talking on the ride home last night about how funny it is how things like this reconnect us the most.  I told him how much I appreciated him staying at the hospital with me and just sitting there for days.  He just sat there.  He walked me to the toilet each and every time, he wiped me when I couldn't turn or reach enough to do it myself, he took me on walks even when he was interested in TV shows, he got me ice chips over and over and over again, cold wash cloths, helped me bathe, helped me dress, he did everything I asked and never blinked an eye.  I know he hates to see me hurt.  It really bothers him when I am in pain.  He sat there, held my hand and wiped my tears.  At my worst, he treated me like I was at my best.  We both agree that it's the moments like this that draw us closer and closer together.  The night before my surgery we were laying in bed and I asked him if I wanted to back out of surgery what would he say?  He replied "honey, you know if you don't want to do this we can go home.  I love you the way you are.  I am here for YOU for whatever you want to do.  If you want to back out... we have this room paid for for 3 nights, we could just spend an awesome weekend here alone and cuddle" I looked him in the eyes and KNEW in my heart he meant every word of that.  I asked just to see what he would say, but didn't have a thought in the world about backing out. 

 Tonight coming home I told him that day 1-3 post op I had so many regrets and doubts running through my mind.  Did I do the right thing?  Why did I do this?  Is this really going to be worth all this pain?  (this was before we discovered they were shorting me on all my pain meds, so had I been properly medicated, I'd have not been in all that pain)  He said to me "yeah, that was the days I thought to myself... bet she's wishing she had taken me up on that relaxing weekend at the hotel!"    ha ha ha  This is why I love this man!

Cole is so excited for me to start exercising with him.  I also can't wait to spend the summer outside with my boys playing.  I am looking forward to many many changes and many fun things to come.  Brody might not ever remember me fat?  I'm not sure if his little brain will register that I was this big when he gets older.  I am just going to be happy to be there for them both now.

I have been doing so good drinking.  Yesterday I got in over 60 ounces of my daily 70 that I am supposed to get up to.  That is a MAJOR deal!  I was only drinking about 10-20 a day in the beginning.  I feel that over the last few days my input has increased and it finally doesn't hurt to increase.  I never thought that would get to this point. 

I am ready to start my day 9.  Hope it just keeps getting better!

Day SEVEN

Today was WONDERFUL!!!!  My whole Friday was just awesome.  I did wake up with some major heartburn, and vomited up my morning meds, which hurt like hell, but I took a couple hours to re-group and started my day over... now I am so happy I did!

I have decided my heartburn is completely related to an empty tummy and one too many crushed and liquid medications.  I am going to work on getting some acid reducing pills today that I can start taking daily that for now I can crush and for the rest of my life I can take if I have to.  I don't like this raw gut feeling.  It hurts. 

After puking up my morning meds, which I finally decided was because of nothing but jello and water in my tummy, I decided to attempt to advance my diet to the full liquids again.  I bumped back to clears with all the heartburn and now am thinking that was a huge mistake.  I decided to make some cream of wheat for breakfast.  I used my soy milk to make it and sprinkled in a tad of cinnamon and splenda.  It was sooooo filling, but it actually made me satisfied the whole time.  It also kept me full for the whole morning and I have decided that most of this belly "pain" that I have been having, and thinking was stomach aches from surgery, is actually hunger pains!  Since eating the cream of wheat the belly pain went away all morning long! 

For Lunch I had started getting belly cramping pain again, so I fixed myself a piece of the potato out of the leftover pot roast.  I mashed it up really really good, stirred in some soy milk, to make it kinda soupy, salt and after 5 bites off of the baby spoon I was stuffed and once again the pain went away... satisfaction. 

Filling up my belly also helped reduce my heartburn which was AWESOME!  I was ever so thankful for that relief.  These few extra calories had given me a burst of energy too, so I actually did something today.  I made my mom bake up some cookie dough I had in the fridge, and while she was babysitting the cookies for Dennis and Bill, I cut up all the leftover veggies from the roast and made a stew for Bill and Brody's supper.  I also cut up an onion, and rolled out croissants.  Whew!  I did sit down at the table the whole time, but I did do it!!  Woo hoo.    Bill came home tonight and once he saw the mood I was in and how happy and pain free I was he was sooooo happy and excited to have his "normal" wife back.  He just kept saying that to me and mom!  It was kinda cute.  He's been so helpful and so supportive through all this.  I love that man so much!  He even worked on helping me change a poopy diaper last night after my mom had left. 

Best news of the day... I slept in bed!!!  I felt like I needed to go upstairs and give it a try because I was so sick of this recliner.  I stretched out and propped up next to Bill.  It felt soooo fantastic! 

I have finally started waking up with the dreaded bypass breath.  It happened yesterday, and again this morning.  Its the WORST most nastiest foul smell.  It makes me sick about myself.  Thank  goodness for Lysterine.  Toothpaste won't even cut this stinch.  It's so gross.  I've resorted to brushing 3-4 times and the mouthwash and then it finally goes away. 

Today I am spending the day with Grandma Trone again.  I hope today is better than yesterday!  I am loving the new me!  I also snuck on my scales last night and discovered I'd lost another 13 lbs last week.  This brings my grand total here at home to 28 lbs.  lost.  This EXCITES me!!!!!

A week already??!!!!

I can't believe it's already been a week since surgery.  Time has flown by.  I know I've slept most of my week away, but still, It's going so fast. 

The heartburn has been bothering me sooooo badly.  It hurt all day long yesterday.  The medicine the clinic recommended for me is no longer on the market, so I finally settled on the next best thing I could find.  Rolaids softchews.  Bill's mom had a bag of them and I took one and got some relief to sleep for 7 hours anyhow!

I really did sleep well last night because I didn't nap at all yesterday.  I have been off my pain meds since 2 a.m. Thursday.  I am so sore, but the less medication I put into me, I think the better this heart burn will go away.  It's awful bad.  It was gone when I went to sleep at 10 and then when I woke up a little before 5 it was still gone, by the time I got a glass of water and sipped a few sips of water it was back raging again.  My chest is on FIRE!  Clear up into my throat.  I hate it.  My tummy is making the most gawd awful noises, because it's so empty and wants the fluids, but I am having trouble making myself drink so much when It all hurts so darned bad. 
The clinic nurse assured me this was all normal.  Some patients get this heartburn, some don't.  I guess I am the unlucky one?  I think it has a lot to do with all the crushed medications I have had to take the last week and having nothing in my belly to go along with it. 

I am going to attempt to get my bp meds down this morning and rest up my tummy.  I also planning on calling in to see if they can order me a prescription for something to begin to heal me from the inside out.   If I have an ulcer this will not be good at all.  This will totally delay my healing. 

Pain medicine free is going okay.   I am sore.  Hella sore, still, but I just don't feel like chewing up childrens tylenol to cut the pain.  Not too sure how much that would do for this pain anyhow, so it's not worth it to me.  I'd rather save my stomach for what I REALLY need to put in it. 

Well I better get off here.  Time to get started crushing and taking each of my pills.  This is a long process cause we are staggering them every hour  to see if I tolerate them better.  I am still in pain, but whatever?? 

Post Op day 5

Today was a sleepy sleepy day!  Grandma Trone came and stayed with me today and I slept the day away off and on.  I have gotten the worst heart burn today.  I can't seem to shake it.  I am trying to drink and even water burns my esophagus.  I know my meds are to blame.  I have to crush all my pills and my pain meds are liquids and they are both a bit harsh.  It's getting pretty bothersome so tomorrow I need to call into the Dr and see what we can do about it before it burns up my esophagus. 

I still have these horrible gas pains in my belly.  I know it takes a couple weeks to get the gas out from surgery, but it's awful to have to eat something or drink something and then hurt minutes later because of gas pressure and pain. 

I ate a tsp of pudding for breakfast today.  I managed to get 2 tsp down at lunch and then another tsp for supper.  I even managed to mix up a protein shake with some soy milk and it was super yummy tasting today!  I only was able to drink about 2 ounces of it today, but I saved the rest for tomorrow. 

I am not used to this lack of energy feeling.  It really has me foggy and in a daze most of the time.  I know it's from recovering from anaesthesia and lack of caloric intake, but it's such a change.  I can get up, go pee, get a drink, and feel like I've put in a 10 hour work day.  I am just EXHAUSTED from what little activity I get. 

The beginning of my new life, it's ROUGH!

Thursday night Bill and I made the trek to Peoria.  We checked into the hotel, he ordered supper, I had broth and some Jello and we settled in to watch a movie.  We watched Saw the final chapter.  It was pretty good.  We've been into the Saw movies since they came out.  It's been quite a series of movies!   The movie got over and I was tired.  Bill and I both went to bed early about 10.  at 3 a.m. I woke up to Bill crowding me out of the double bed.  (we have a king here at home)  he was almost on top of me and I had no room, so I got up and moved to the other bed.  My back doesn't like strange beds well, so I was so stiff and sore from the hotel bed.  By morning I had tossed and turned from 3 a.m. on.  My back was KILLING me and I was in a pretty crappy mood because of that!  I hate when my back aches.  This motivated me to get in the spirit for this surgery.  I knew I was doing the right thing.  Hopefully no more horrible back ache episodes where I can't stand up and can't walk straight. 

Mom, Grandma Trone and Carla Rodeffer rolled into the hotel parking garage about 9:30 a.m. We unpacked their car, showed them the hotel, and the room and then we all piled into the car to head to the hospital to register.  They told me to be there at 11:30 and make sure I was all done and checked in by then.  Here it was Noon, I was sitting in a room all by myself waiting on the surgery prep crew to come in and hook me up to the EKG machine, Pulse Ox, start an IV and everything else.  I was in this room for an hour and a half alone, they made everyone go to waiting room, then finally Bill and Grandma came up.  Then mom and Carla came up.  Here it was 1:30 and I asked what time my surgery was scheduled for and the nurse said I was on the books for 1:30.  Dr. Marshall was pretty mad at the surgery team because they were running so far behind with me.  I think they all stepped out to lunch and left me back there all alone for an hour and a half.  Here came in a whole swat team all to work on me at once.  I am a very hard stick, they had 3 people trying to get an IV in me.  One lady verbally talking to me asking me all sorts of pre surgical questions, and next thing you know within a couple minutes I was being wheeled down to a surgery room. 

The room shocked me.  It was really really small.  There wasn't much room in there at all.  One whole wall was laid out with surgical instruments and tools and supplies.  Then there was the tiny little surgery bed.  They had it all laid out with blankets and Styrofoam pieces for me to prop up on and lay down on .  They got me on the table, put stockings on my legs, strapped my arms and head down and that was the last stuff I remember. 

I remember waking up to Bill talking and showing me a purse cover mom got me from the gift shop.  I remember carla rodeffer and gma trone coming in  to talk to me, but I was so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I slept.  Through the night I kept getting the understanding that I wasn't in a "normal" room.  I finally got the impression I was in ICU.  I woke up, realized I was in ICU and wondered why?  The nurse told me because of my sleep apnea the Dr thought it would be good idea to keep an eye on me over night?  Umm okay.  ??  I was a little out of it still so she gave me my pca button and I went out again.  I woke up again in the middle of the night and was alone.  I remember wondering where Bill and Mom were?  I was worried.  She came in and told me to go back to sleep.  By morning I was tired of the bed.  I was so stiff and uncomfortable.  I made her come in and give me ice chips because my mouth was soooo dry.  She didn't want to give them to me, but I yelled at her till she did.  Then I asked again why I was in the ICU.  Again she said it was because of my apnea?  I couldn't imagine what that had to do with it unless something happened during surgery with my breathing?  She never really answered.  As I was going in and out of sleep through the night, I kept hearing nurses, Drs and interns talking over me.  I kept hearing them say things about an allergic reaction.  I wondered if this was me?   Finally about 10 a.m. the Dr came in and said I could go to a normal room.  When they started wheeling me  to a new room all my visitors arrived and followed us upstairs. 

When we got settled upstairs we were informed by a nurse that I had had an "incident" in recover that was the reason I was sent to ICU.  I guess they gave me Leviquin antibiotic after surgery for infection.  I guess I broke out in welt hives and so that is why they kept me in recovery for 3 hours and why I got placed in ICU in the first place.  To make sure I didn't break out more or there weren't any more complications.  Good to know.  Don't know why the ICU nurse kept it such a secret.  Going to talk to the Dr and find out why. 

Saturday night was pretty eventful... I spent every two hours up going pee, walking the halls and trying to get comfortable.  I was in so much pain.  They had taken away my PCA pump and I just couldn't get on top of my pain.  Even with the liquid meds, and the IV pain meds they could inject every 2 hours.  I only felt good about one out of every four hours.  It was awful. 

Sunday mom, grandma and Carla headed back to carthage.  Bill stayed with me to wipe my ass and push fluids on me.  He was also the walking stalker!  He made me walk walk walk.  It was nice to stretch and I actually slept so good Sunday night.  I enjoyed just having him there and he's pretty easy going, so I could just fall asleep and not feel guilty about it!  It's sad when you have company and you are so flipping tired and you feel bad dozing off on them.  I hate that.  I just can't stay awake on these pain meds. 

Monday morning I had the most amazing nurse.  She was in charge of getting me set to go home.  There was a student nurse that had my call light and she was responsible for all my meds and other care.  I woke up and asked for pain meds at 7:30.  I knew at 8 I was due for drugs and wanted them in there for my 8 a.m. dose.  At 8 I asked again because they weren't there.  by 9 I was hurting pretty badly.  still no drugs.  hadn't seen nothing of the student nurse.  by 10:30 I was miserable... nauseous, and in so much pain I hadn't hurt this bad all the time I'd been there.  IT was awful.  I thought I was going to be sick.  I flipped out on Bill, he flipped out on someone and finally my GOOD nurse showed up with my drugs, and she was almost crying with me.  She didn't realize this was all going on.  She had been working on my discharge and working with pharmacy to see why some of my meds hadn't been started yet and trying to figure out why I had only been getting 1/3 of the pain meds I should have been getting for 3 days!  She said no wonder I was hurting.  Pharmacy had made a BIG mistake and was only giving me 1/3 of the dosage the Dr. had ordered.  NO WONDER I HURT!!!   I was supposed to get 30ml and they had only been giving me 10ml.  HUGE difference!  Then my blood pressures hadn't been under control and we couldn't figure out why?  I asked her what meds they had been giving me and they hadn't ordered one of my MAIN blood pressure medications back on my flow sheet.  So once I took that med my pressures stabilized and everything went back to normal there too.  What a mess. 

At noon all the departments had came to talk to me about discharge.  Dietary came in, Pharmacy was by, The Dr. The interns, my nurse was amazing.  She packed me a pillow for home, a sharps container for my blood thinner shots at home, swabs to wipe before my shots, medicine cups, puke bags for the ride home, pill crusher, baby spoons.. she had us all set!  She was a doll.  We were loaded up and headed home finally.

Oh the joyful ride home.  First mistake was getting behind on pain meds for the morning.  I hurt bad.  Second mistake is we had taken the truck because of the weather and lets just say it wasn't the nicest ride home.  It was awful.  Bumpy and the interstate between Galseburg and Monmouth is just terrible.  I hurt so bad.  There were three times I was crying to badly Bill had to pull over and give me a break.  It was miserable.  We made it home in 3 hours.  I was exhausted and ready for sleep, but Nooooo Brody had other plans.  He was clingy, fussy, and just rotten.  Finally he cashed out and we did too, but he was up at 1:30 a.m. and mom couldn't get him to go back to sleep.  She was afraid he'd wake up cole so she brought him downstairs and all he wanted was me.  That was fine.  He snuggled with me in the recliner.  It was peaceful till about 3 a.m.

My belly woke me up in pain.  It hurt so badly.  I knew I was going to shit my pants if I didn't get up and to the pot.  I got up and had my first BM.  It was heavenly.  I let out sooooo much of that gas that has been trapped inside me.  I had been belching and tooting off an on, but nothing like this release!  It was just the most amazing thing that has happened to me in days!

Today I began my FULL Liquids.  I get puddings, strained soups, cream of wheat.  I am NOT hungry at all.  The nutritionist said that was normal.  This next week is all about liquids, not nourishment.  They want to keep you hydrated.  I did eat 4 bites of pudding today.  That was good.  I am just FULL all the time.  Nobody could begin to explain the concept of being full like this with only eating BITES of food off of a BABY SPOON.  My bowls are some plastic shot glass medicine cups.  My utensils are baby silverware.  If you eat too big of a bite it hurts going down.  This also keeps you from eating too much too fast.  It should take 30 minutes to eat a shot glass full of food, but also you can't finish the whole shot glass.  I get 1/4 of it down and I am STUFFED full feeling like I just ate an entire heaping plate of food.  This is weird to me.  Especially when I have been a quantity eater in the past.  I didn't really eat bad for me food, just lots of food.  It's hard to not be full when you have liquid meds to take, keep drinking and then try to eat on top of it.  I am just full all the time. 

I will try to do better updating from now on.  I have just been so drugged and out of it it's taken me forever to get this all typed up and ready to post.  I sleep a LOT!

Day FOUR... this still sucks!

Day 3 of this liquid diet was pretty blah.  My belly growls and growls.  I drink some broth, eat some jello, such on a popcicle.  It still growls. 

Today is Day 4.  Tomorrow is my final day until surgery day.  I sure hope my liver is shrinking like it's supposed to be. My belly is sure reacting to this change.  I have had the squirts, and growls!  It sucks.  It will all be worth it in the end.  I can't wait till Friday.

We have officially became part of history here in the great state of Illinois.  It's the storm of the century.   Over 20 inches of white stuff has fallen  and it's just nasty out there.  Drifts taller than my head.  It's nuts.  School got out early Mondy, no school Tuesday, no school today and now they have called off school for Thursday too.  It's deep.  The snow plows are getting stuck trying to clear roads, trucks and cars stuck everywhere.  These people are stupid.  Why don't they just stay home?  What is THAT important that they have to get out and about in this crap? 

Tomorrow is the day we head to Peoria.  I'm not too sure when we are planning on leaving.  I hope early so we can get there before dark.  This weather bothers me.  I don't like no knowing what is going to happen with the road conditions and our trip there. 

Today I have been finishing up things around this house so it's nice to come home to recover in!  I also need to get busy packing up clothes  and things for the boys and us for the weekend.  Better get busy and get off of here to get going again.  I can't wait till FRIDAY!!!!!!!